Louisa May Alcott’s Little Cis Women
Imagine what might happen if the wokerati decide to retitle other great books, plays, and movies
Opening the Floodgates
Everything you need to know about Bill and Melinda Gates’s divorce—and then some
What if … the Queen Enters the Dating Scene?
Single and ready to mingle
Scott Rudin’s Employee Handbook
Welcome to the team! Here are a few things to know …
Advice-by-Numbers
Professor and clinical psychologist Jordan B. Peterson shares his red-hot rules for life
How to Sneak into Mar-a-Lago
Six ways to get into Trump’s hideous Florida compound, from a guy who’s tested them all. Why? For the fun of it …
Comic-Book Villain … or Severe-Acne Drug?
Do you know the difference?
Trump in Exile
Where on earth can a defeated, disgraced president go when his White House stint is finished?
Locked Out. But Perhaps LinkedIn
Imagining how Ivanka, Eric, and Stephen Miller market themselves, post–White House
If Trump Had Been Our World War II President
Down the rabbit hole of a retro-history nightmare
Prince Andrew’s Vanity on Full Display
He’s got a new Range Rover and a personalized license plate. (No, it’s not WANKR)
The Idiot Box Meets Its Match
Trump has threatened to start a TV network if he loses the election. So what would that look like?
Sex and the Ambitious Girl
Imagining what goes on in the mind of rich-husband collector Barbara Amiel
The Idiot Box
Keeping Up with the Sussexes—a first look at Meghan and Harry’s Netflix reality-show script
Anarchists in the Kitchen?
What if The Great British Bake Off were an Antifa sleeper cell?
Lindsey Graham Serves a Stiff One
What if he loses his Senate seat and opens a slightly dowdy gay bar called Feathers?
Flunkies
What if Trump’s pardoned miscreants all had to teach grade school?
2020 Alibi
A coronavirus whodunit