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“You’re unhappy now? Just wait.”
A smoking club for dads who lie to their kids about not smoking.
“At what point does outdoor dining become indoor dining?”
“Honey, can you move the candle away from Aunt Pat? I didn’t make her flame-retardant.”
“Seriously, this doesn’t have you the slightest bit worried?”
“Your father and I were hoping for something a little less artisanal.”
“Mark, you have to stop calling John’s Gospel ‘fan fiction.’”
“The austerity plan didn’t work. Let’s try more austerity.”
“The Hamptons were nice, but it feels good to be back in the city.”
“Too soon?”
“How come an algorithm can figure out what I want for my birthday, but you still think I want a blender?”
“Psst! Would you mind giving me a hand with the last brick?”
“Remember—this meeting never happened, we never met, and you never wore that tie with that jacket.”
“How soon after the summer ends can we start to complain about not taking full advantage of the summer?”
“Does it trouble you that he’s started putting the word ‘Constitution’ in air quotes?”
“What really worries me is what’s going to happen when they take him off the steroids.”
“The numbers don’t lie—we have accountants to do that.”
“They say at least 80 percent of us are wearing the wrong size.”
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