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“You call that having a little work done?”
“It’s not the timing of our relationship that’s wrong. It’s the lighting.”
“We’re waiting to have kids until Ted grows up.”
“An excessive salary is nice, but it’s hard to beat exorbitant bonuses.”
“It’s refreshing to meet a despot with a sense of ergonomics.”
“I hope it’s socks and underwear.”
“I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels.”
“Hi, honey, could you run by the bookstore on the way home? We’re almost out of poetry.”
“It’s hard not to take a mutiny personally.”
“This may pinch a little.”
“Here’s a little something I wrote just for me.”
“I was there the entire time he painted this. Looked him right in the eye for hours. How could he not include me?”
“I conjured you up a dress, shoes, a corsage, and a limo—I’m not ponying up for an after-party too.”