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“Hi, honey, could you run by the bookstore on the way home? We’re almost out of poetry.”
“It’s hard not to take a mutiny personally.”
“This may pinch a little.”
“Here’s a little something I wrote just for me.”
“I was there the entire time he painted this. Looked him right in the eye for hours. How could he not include me?”
“I conjured you up a dress, shoes, a corsage, and a limo—I’m not ponying up for an after-party too.”
Nude descending a staircase.
“Hello, H.R.? I’d like to file a complaint. I just learned I’m being paid 30 percent more than a female colleague doing exactly the same job.”
“You’re in luck—it’s bobblehead day.”
“On this very sad occasion—and on all occasions—I’d like to remind everyone that I graduated from Harvard.”
“It’s a message from the killer. It says: ‘Dear Police, I’ve hidden the clues in my newsletter, which you would know if you actually read it.’”
“I know, I know … But I thought he would bring down the price of eggs.”
“I know old homes come with their own risks, but I just love the sense of history.”
“The children claimed to love nature, even as they warmed themselves by roasting the dismembered limbs of the tree’s mother.”
“I’m your partner, not your ‘work husband.’ Especially around perps.”
“You don’t know what it’s like in the private sector.”
“Thanks for dropping by, but next time you can just text.”
