Skip to Content
“I don’t even like toys. I just do this so people won’t talk to me.”
“Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs.”
“Stop arguing—I’ll walk myself.”
“Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show.”
“For the last time—‘Rider’ is the birthday boy, ‘Laser’ is the party venue, and ‘Scooter’ is the gift we got him.”
“I know … everybody just assumes I’m a vegetarian.”
“We need to make some cuts. We’ll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency.”
“No wonder people like dancing with the Devil. You’re a good lead.”
“Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?”
“We’re going to be late.”
“Oh, for God’s sake, this is Paris, Texas.”
Aristophanes explains comedy.
“Keep heart, Rexy boy … even if we strike out, we’ll look damn good doing it.”
“How is everything, besides the obvious?”
“Boys! Enough! Your father has a migraine!”
“Comic Sans? I wouldn’t rescue us.”
“He misses his terrified people.”
“It’s God’s country, if your God wears camouflage and dips tobacco.”
“Yes, it’s hot and humid in Atlanta, but my vote is worth 10,000 of yours.”
