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“I’ve got a thousand C.E.O.’s telling me I’m crazy not to check out the competition.”
“There’s wicked, and then there’s just plain mean.”
“Well, no, I wouldn’t expect you to get it.”
Civil-discourse re-enactors.
“It’s a great manuscript, but our mandate has shifted from championing new writers to enslaving planet Earth.”
“Well, it was a tough decision, Doug, but we’ve decided to go with Doug.”
“This book says I should eat your arm first.”
“He’s an American shepherd.”
“Just a heads-up, if we ever become super-wealthy and you want to use the money to take a rocket into outer space instead of, like, feeding poor people, I’m going to be really mad.”
“It’s like I’ve been cyberbullying for so long that I forget how to do it in person.”
“I forget who, but he’s somebody’s kid.”
“If we just hold our nerve, poorly lit homes filled with clutter will become ‘a thing.’”
“Bow before Oldroot: lord of the wood, wisest of trees, global lifestyle brand … ”
“This primitive communication device is all that’s left of what was once a thriving civilization.”
“Yup, looks like your bookcase is full. You might want to start thinking about getting a new one.”
“I’m sorry, but the correct answer is not ‘I’m sorry if you feel offended.’”
“Wow—he can walk on hot coals without even posting that he’s walking on hot coals.”