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“As soon as you’re underwater you can take the mask off.”
“Now for your stress test.”
“What are you passionate about besides vaping?”
“I always wait till Labor Day to check if he’s still alive.”
“Nobody’s in the mood, Greg.”
“I guess I expected, I don’t know, classier?”
“Well then, can we count on your vote if you get a job that pays enough to get your car repaired so you can drive to your polling station?”
“Tonight we dine with the Devil. But tomorrow we really have to finish what’s left in the fridge.”
“Per your father’s wishes, the reading of the will shall be preceded by a tight five-minute comedy set inspired by my dating life—or lack thereof!”
“This is Miami—we’ll let the rising sea level do the rest.”
“Of course the cow jumped you for the promotion—the guy is a ruthless social climber. Nobody likes him. Look at that fake smile. You don’t want that life. Ugh, I’m sorry, man. Lunch on me today, O.K.? Whaddya want? You want Thai?”
“And I’m telling you it looks exactly like the picture. See?”
“It’s time you started thinking about your future, young man … ”
“I don’t take off the mask until the third date.”
“Look, Keith, they kept our potting sheds!”
Working from home.
“There has to be a better way to remember the way back.”