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“And do you, Brian, pledge to listen attentively and offer no analysis or solutions of any kind, unless explicitly asked to do so?”
“Well, team, we’ve been officially disqualified. You can come out of there, Tyler.”
“I don’t need another pillow. Thank you, though.”
“It’s O.K.! Shark attacks like this are incredibly rare.”
“Promise me that you’ll donate my body to banana bread.”
“Plagues are old-school—we’re going to hit you with sanctions.”
“Please arrive 15 minutes before your appointment time, which is one-and-a-half hours before the doctor will actually see you.”
“All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine … from a tub.”
“I’m gonna stand up to the government the only way I know how … screaming at a 16-year-old earning minimum wage!”
“Today’s my last day. They’re replacing me with a TV that’s stuck on a 24-hour news channel.”
“I don’t need you to slay the dragon. I need you to listen to the dragon.”
“All we can do now is hope it sees something shiny on Staten Island.”
“He failed at hunting, and gathering was beneath him.”
“Have we heard anything from the throne-repair people yet?”