Skip to Content
“I mean, do we even have white privilege if we can’t skip diversity training?”
“You couldn’t ask for a more honest friend.”
“Do you want to order in or wither and die?”
“I prefer ‘prostitute.’ ‘Media whore’ implies that I’m not getting paid.”
“I don’t care how good he is. Ain’t nobody can get a shirt on Jeffrey.”
“This place was a lot more fun before the dress code.”
“That’s your 15th balloon, Derek. Have you thought of something funny to say with the high voice yet?”
“I have bad news about the replacement heart, but good news if you’re feeling peckish.”
“Just an FYI before we go up to the meeting: Filkens, the one who ran all the Zooms, her head is way smaller than you’re expecting.”
“I found a vicious sidekick. Can I pleeeease keep him?”
“I am an unstoppable force of nature, I am not defined by my past, and I make a chermoula paste that will blow your friggin’ mind!”
“Oh, God, it’s the Herefords. Pretend you don’t see them.”
“What is it about a T-shirt cannon that says ‘foreplay’ to you?”
“Goodness, this interview sure consists of an unusual number of hypothetical questions about how to hide a corpse.”
“We find the defendant guilty of gaslighting, lovebombing, and first-degree breadcrumbing.”
“I sympathize. It’s weird for me, too.”
“Hello, ma’am! Have you ever looked at other shark owners and thought, ‘Why not me?’ … ”