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“This is the best part—the hero is still hopeful for something good, before he realizes it’s all bills.”
“Edgar, I said, ‘Never mind.’ And I was referring to the nachos.”
“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”
“I also like to hang a bunch in the shower to create a spa-like atmosphere.”
“It’s really a shame—you put in all this work, only to have them chintz out on the marketing.”
“I don’t even like toys. I just do this so people won’t talk to me.”
“Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs.”
“Stop arguing—I’ll walk myself.”
“Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show.”
“For the last time—‘Rider’ is the birthday boy, ‘Laser’ is the party venue, and ‘Scooter’ is the gift we got him.”
“I know … everybody just assumes I’m a vegetarian.”
“We need to make some cuts. We’ll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency.”
“No wonder people like dancing with the Devil. You’re a good lead.”
“Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?”
“We’re going to be late.”
“Oh, for God’s sake, this is Paris, Texas.”
Aristophanes explains comedy.