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“It’s an inter-dimensional portal that can facilitate travel across both space and time … but we mostly use it for storage.”
“I just want someone who texts me as often as Joe Biden does, you know?”
“Let’s address the sexy elephant in the room and see if he wants to party.”
“Well, I wouldn’t have to embarrass myself like this if they just gave us robes with pockets!”
“Hey, so sorry to do this—do you think we could push to pistols at two?”
“I got tired of wearing a hat.”
“With proper editing, I’ve had a good life.”
“No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair.”
“He loved self-referential humor.”
“Hi, handsome, how about an appletini?”
“You’re breaking up with me? During crumbs?”
“When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, ‘What’s in it for me?’”