Skip to Content
“It turns out he’s been speaking in word salad all along. He was able to hide it during his lengthy career as an art critic.”
“We’ve concluded that an alarming percentage of the population are experiencing involuntary eye-rolling at the word ‘inclusion.’”
“Frankenstein is my father’s name. Please, call me Monster.”
“Will you please stop acting like my mother except for the laundry and food and cleaning and stuff?!!”
“Your job will be to bang your head against this wall from nine to five each day.”
“I was thinking of something more pointy.”
“Satan? Oh, heavens, no! Satan was created by the marketing team to drive membership and sell energy drinks.”
“Fascinating. He ran on it the first few days, but now he’s just using it to hang his clothes.”
“There’s something you should know about me.”
“Clown pirates!! Whatever you do, don’t underestimate their numbers!!”
“If you work hard, exploit your employees, take advantage of a pandemic, use loopholes to avoid taxes, and hoard your wealth, you can someday, in an act of extreme self-indulgent, meaningless vanity, be an astronaut.”
“Bill … you’re home early … ”
“Oh, Great One! We offer you this sacrificial lamb and your choice of any two side dishes.”
“What did you think we do after the holidays?”
“You’ve got to stop rapturing me back here every time you have a tech question, Dad.”
“We’re just on a vacation. You don’t have to add ‘of the dead.’”