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“I’m only going to worry if they start getting smaller again.”
“Canada geese.”
“There’s a sexual favor in it for you if you don’t utter the word ‘impeachment.’”
“O.K., he looks pretty stable—switch the middle screen back to the Super Bowl.”
“Let the record show the defendant pleads, ‘O.K., boomer.’”
“Is there something on my face? I’ve never had anybody watch this demonstration before.”
“In fact, this is the largest seizure to date in the history of any senior community center.”
“Sara, have you seen Ken?”
“His royally down-to-earth Highness will see you now.”
“Either it’s a toad trapped in a cement mixer, or Tom Waits is ordering room service.”
“Don’t, son—once they cross over into meats, they’re out of our jurisdiction.”
“You can be whatever you want to be, but you’ll probably turn out like me.”
“Latte for name withheld.”
“Next, I will attempt to escape a sentence that begins ‘I’m not racist, but…’”
“Well, well. Look who’s back from trying to make it in the big city.”
“Take us to your leader in industrial design.”
“I know, but my mom knitted it for me.”
“O.K., Mr. Free Range—now we’re lost.”
“What if we promise to spend our money at Trump properties?”
“Ew! This couch is still warm from the last guy.”
“The paper says that pro-Trump letters will no longer be edited for clarity.”
“Race, gender, and sex are off limits, but the last time I looked, you can still discriminate on the basis of food preference.”