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Her Royal Deepness

Can you tell the real Meghan Markle–isms from the fake? Test your Sussex Squad cred with this quiz!

What if … Cher Were Postmaster General?

She’s been trying to volunteer at her Malibu post office. What might happen if she got the top job?

No-Brain Teaser

A few questions that should have been on the cognitive test Trump boasts he “aced”

The (Kanye) West Wing

Imagining his first 100 days

Tracking an Apocalypse

How The New York Times will cover the zombie invasion

Hiding the Truth About Antifa from Your Uncle

He has nothing to fear but fear of a mostly over-exaggerated leftist militant concept itself

The White House Bunker Diaries

Reports on a week of protests, straight from the unmasked source*

Dog Days Come Early

Those interminable summer days have arrived well in advance of the season itself: 24 hours in the life of, well, everyone

The Titanic Daily Task-Force Briefing

“Look, this is just, like, a really big ice cube, O.K.?”

Interview with a Virus

In which he thanks his main man, the super-spreader in chief, Donnie Darkness

In Search of Lost Food

Keeping track of the days may be a thing of the past, but when it comes to mapping out our next meal, it’s always go time

Looking a Gift Horse in the Mouth

Not a day went by without Trump showing up late to his own coronavirus press briefings. A firsthand account explains what he was up to while the world waited …

You Look Stimmmmulus!

Quote of the Week


“They’re saying you can’t put it into humans. Not even into Jared. But have they even tried?”: A week in the life of Lysol’s favorite spokesman*

Going Viral

Trump aide Kellyanne Conway explains the COVIDs

Quote of the Week

A Bug’s Life

The author of Contagion delivers an open letter from a tiny invader who goes by the name Coronavirus

Quote of the Week

Going Green

No, not that kind of green! A week in the life of an envious (and totally inadequate) social distancer*

Wellness Formula

The relaxation guru behind the cool-as-cucumbers personalities of Rudy Giuliani and Gordon Ramsay reveals her secrets for keeping loose and carrying on

Donald Trump’s Completely Unverified Coronavirus Diary*

Melania makes a run for an epicenter of the coronavirus, Boris reports in from his sickbed, and the president struggles to distinguish between “She” and “Xi”: a week in the life

“Hope You Are Well.”
(And Flush!)

A headshaking selection of “concerned” e-mails we’ve received

The New Commute