ABBOTT: Didja hear? Who’s going to rename monkeypox.

COSTELLO: The World Health Organization.

ABBOTT: No. Who.

COSTELLO: I just told you. W! H! O!

ABBOTT: You’re supposed to say who.


ABBOTT: No, who. Who is funnier than why.


ABBOTT: What’s funnier than why but not as funny as who.

COSTELLO: Who says who’s funny?

ABBOTT: Who doesn’t.

COSTELLO: That’s what I said.

ABBOTT: When? Where? Anyhoo, if it weren’t for who —


ABBOTT: Who’s whom?

COSTELLO: How should I know whose it is? You brought it up.

ABBOTT: Anyhoo, if it weren’t for them—


ABBOTT: Now you’re getting it. Without who, we’d be nobodies. One-hit wonders.

COSTELLO: Not true. What about Babes in Toyland, Saps at Sea, blockhead? All classics.

ABBOTT: That’s Laurel and Hardy.

COSTELLO: Aren’t we Laurel and Hardy?

ABBOTT: We’re Abbott and Costello. A tall thin man and a short fat man.

COSTELLO: Then who are Laurel and Hardy?

ABBOTT: A fat man and a thin man. We did Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.

COSTELLO: They did?!

ABBOTT: We did.


ABBOTT: Abbott and Costello.

COSTELLO: I hated that movie.

ABBOTT: Can we get back to monkeypox?

COSTELLO: We did that movie, too?

ABBOTT: Which?

COSTELLO: Monkeypox. About the stowaways.

ABBOTT: That’s Monkey Business. The Marx Brothers.

COSTELLO: We’re not the Marx Brothers?

ABBOTT: We’re Abbott and Costello.

COSTELLO: You’re sure?

ABBOTT: Jeesh. Let’s talk about sumpin’ else. Didja hear Bernard Cribbins died?

COSTELLO: So sad. Who’s he?

ABBOTT: He was in that British sci-fi movie. Dr. What-cha-ma-callit.


ABBOTT: I dunno who.

COSTELLO: Can’t meet him now. He’s dead.

ABBOTT: I know!

COSTELLO: You said you didn’t know.

ABBOTT: Can we get back to monkeypox?

COSTELLO: Who said anything about monkeypox?

ABBOTT: Are you deaf? You know who. W - H - O!

COSTELLO: Hey, that’s my line.

Patricia Marx is a staff writer for The New Yorker and the author of numerous books, including, most recently, You Can Only Yell at Me for One Thing at a Time (with illustrations by Roz Chast)