ABBOTT: Didja hear? Who’s going to rename monkeypox.
COSTELLO: The World Health Organization.
ABBOTT: No. Who.
COSTELLO: I just told you. W! H! O!
ABBOTT: You’re supposed to say who.
COSTELLO: Why?
ABBOTT: No, who. Who is funnier than why.
COSTELLO: What?
ABBOTT: What’s funnier than why but not as funny as who.
COSTELLO: Who says who’s funny?
ABBOTT: Who doesn’t.
COSTELLO: That’s what I said.
ABBOTT: When? Where? Anyhoo, if it weren’t for who —
COSTELLO: Whom.
ABBOTT: Who’s whom?
COSTELLO: How should I know whose it is? You brought it up.
ABBOTT: Anyhoo, if it weren’t for them—
COSTELLO: Who?
ABBOTT: Now you’re getting it. Without who, we’d be nobodies. One-hit wonders.
COSTELLO: Not true. What about Babes in Toyland, Saps at Sea, blockhead? All classics.
ABBOTT: That’s Laurel and Hardy.
COSTELLO: Aren’t we Laurel and Hardy?
ABBOTT: We’re Abbott and Costello. A tall thin man and a short fat man.
COSTELLO: Then who are Laurel and Hardy?
ABBOTT: A fat man and a thin man. We did Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.
COSTELLO: They did?!
ABBOTT: We did.
COSTELLO: Who?
ABBOTT: Abbott and Costello.
COSTELLO: I hated that movie.
ABBOTT: Can we get back to monkeypox?
COSTELLO: We did that movie, too?
ABBOTT: Which?
COSTELLO: Monkeypox. About the stowaways.
ABBOTT: That’s Monkey Business. The Marx Brothers.
COSTELLO: We’re not the Marx Brothers?
ABBOTT: We’re Abbott and Costello.
COSTELLO: You’re sure?
ABBOTT: Jeesh. Let’s talk about sumpin’ else. Didja hear Bernard Cribbins died?
COSTELLO: So sad. Who’s he?
ABBOTT: He was in that British sci-fi movie. Dr. What-cha-ma-callit.
COSTELLO: Who.
ABBOTT: I dunno who.
COSTELLO: Can’t meet him now. He’s dead.
ABBOTT: I know!
COSTELLO: You said you didn’t know.
ABBOTT: Can we get back to monkeypox?
COSTELLO: Who said anything about monkeypox?
ABBOTT: Are you deaf? You know who. W - H - O!
COSTELLO: Hey, that’s my line.
Patricia Marx is a staff writer for The New Yorker and the author of numerous books, including, most recently, You Can Only Yell at Me for One Thing at a Time (with illustrations by Roz Chast)
