The Happiest Place on Earth became a little less happy this year with the passing of several beloved characters from the world of Disney.
Mrs. Potts
Mrs. Potts, the sweet and gentle teapot who helped nurture the love between Belle and the Beast, died on February 9. She was 87 years old.
Mrs. Potts suffered a fatal fall from a kitchen shelf, where she spent most of her time when not brewing tea. E.M.S. workers rushed to the scene, but by then it was too late. “We tried everything we could to save her,” said a paramedic, “including a hot-glue gun, but it was no use. There were pieces of her everywhere.”
“We found pieces of her spout,” said another paramedic, his lips quivering as he choked back tears, “under the refrigerator mixed in with some dust balls. It was horrible.”
Mrs. Potts is survived by her son, Chip, a teacup, as well as 12 five-piece place settings and a second-cousin gravy boat.
Sneezy
Sneezy, one of seven dwarfs, who spent much of his life protecting Snow White from the Evil Queen, died on March 21.
When asked the cause of death, his longtime friend and physician, Doc, said, “I was just about to perform an autopsy to find out.” Then, picking up a scalpel and cutting into Sneezy’s chest, he added, “Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to work I go!”
Reaction to Sneezy’s death among most of his fellow dwarfs was mixed but predictable. Grumpy said, “I have my own problems, pal, get lost!,” while Bashful declined comment. Only Happy seemed sad.
Perhaps Snow White summed it up best when she said, “Just like Sneezy himself, his life was all too short.”
The Little Mermaid
Ariel, the beautiful young mermaid who famously fell in love with a human named Eric, was killed on April 1 after becoming entangled in commercial-fishing nets off the California coast. She was 17.
Sorrow over her death quickly morphed into outrage and protests when it was announced that fishermen had recovered only the top half of her body.
“There’s a real possibility that the next time you order a piece of sushi, you could be noshing on Ariel,” said her longtime friend Nemo at an emotional press conference.
A waterside memorial for the deceased was attended by thousands, including hundreds of young minnows who were able to attend the service because of a school holiday.
Olaf
The mystery of the large puddle found in the middle of the town square was solved on June 1 when DNA-test results confirmed that the liquid was all that remained of Olaf, Arendelle’s lovable snowman.
“Olaf suffered death by a thousand drips, a victim of the effects of global warming,” said a police spokesman from the department’s cold-case division.
To honor his memory, Snow Queen Elsa and her sister, Anna, announced the formation of Project Olaf, a new foundation dedicated to stopping the spread of calcium chloride, a favorite cause of the deceased.
Tweedledum and Tweedledee / CORRECTION
Previous reports of the deaths of Tweedledum and Tweedledee, the identical twins who gained fame in Lewis Carroll’s book Through the Looking-Glass, were inaccurate.
While the two did attempt to take their own lives in a joint-suicide pact, the dim-witted duo used water pistols, and neither was seriously injured. We regret the error.
John Ficarra is the former editor of Mad magazine