MAY 2022: Meghan and Ivanka bond over their mutual conviction that Angela Merkel does not look “glowy.”
JUNE 2022: Ivanka and Meghan adopt the campaign slogan “Girl Bosses 2024: Honesty, Candles, Sharing.”
JUNE 2022: Meghan compares the World Bank to the tip jar at Humphrey Yogart.
JULY 2022: Ivanka asks Meghan, “What is income tax?”
AUGUST 2022: Meghan tells Ivanka her two policy points are “No processed carbs” and “No Putin.”
SEPTEMBER 2022: Ivanka’s perpetually blank expression rescues her when Meghan announces, “I see Tyler Perry at State.”
OCTOBER 2022: Ivanka tells Amnesty International that the Girl Bosses have a deep understanding of refugees because Meghan’s husband raises rescue chickens.
JANuary 2023: Jared interrupts meeting with pollsters to tell Meghan, “I loved you in Get Out.”
AUGust 2023: Ivanka says that the Iowa caucuses’ opposition to pork barrel “feels a little Muslim-y.”
SEPTEMBER 2023: Harry tells Tibetan activist that Meghan knows about injustice because she wasn’t allowed to play herself on The Crown.
MAY 2024: Ivanka proposes overhaul of the PAC system that would be “a Bioré Pore Strip for special interests.”
NOVEMBER 2024: The Girl Bosses lose to Kamala Harris and an A.I. droid named Galatea ElectBot.
NOVember 2024: Ivanka literally shatters and implodes, resulting in a pile of pulverized Lancôme products.
Henry Alford is a New York–based writer and the author of And Then We Danced