MAY 2022: Meghan and Ivanka bond over their mutual conviction that Angela Merkel does not look “glowy.”

JUNE 2022: Ivanka and Meghan adopt the campaign slogan “Girl Bosses 2024: Honesty, Candles, Sharing.”

JUNE 2022: Meghan compares the World Bank to the tip jar at Humphrey Yogart.

JULY 2022: Ivanka asks Meghan, “What is income tax?”

AUGUST 2022: Meghan tells Ivanka her two policy points are “No processed carbs” and “No Putin.”

SEPTEMBER 2022: Ivanka’s perpetually blank expression rescues her when Meghan announces, “I see Tyler Perry at State.”

OCTOBER 2022: Ivanka tells Amnesty International that the Girl Bosses have a deep understanding of refugees because Meghan’s husband raises rescue chickens.

JANuary 2023: Jared interrupts meeting with pollsters to tell Meghan, “I loved you in Get Out.

AUGust 2023: Ivanka says that the Iowa caucuses’ opposition to pork barrel “feels a little Muslim-y.”

SEPTEMBER 2023: Harry tells Tibetan activist that Meghan knows about injustice because she wasn’t allowed to play herself on The Crown.

MAY 2024: Ivanka proposes overhaul of the PAC system that would be “a Bioré Pore Strip for special interests.”

NOVEMBER 2024: The Girl Bosses lose to Kamala Harris and an A.I. droid named Galatea ElectBot.

NOVember 2024: Ivanka literally shatters and implodes, resulting in a pile of pulverized Lancôme products.

Henry Alford is a New York–based writer and the author of And Then We Danced