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“Same thing every year. You can’t get them to do a blessed thing the week between Christmas and New Year’s.”
“Have you tried doing the thing you just told me you tried?”
“New Year’s resolutions are fine, but we should really focus on our squad goals.”
“Oh wow, Countdown to End Times calendar. No, Dean, I don’t already have one. Um, Happy New Year to you too.”
“I just got something off his registry.”
“What I’m hearing is that you love them, but, in the future, you’d like me to prioritize bags of money.”
“Ironically, all the guys from the hunting lodge were on the ‘Nice’ list.”
“I couldn’t make it here, so I’m going to try Boston.”
“If Basquiat painted it, you wouldn’t say the naïveté seems forced.”
“Today was absolutely horrific. I just need to go relax with a cup of tea and a true-murder podcast.”
“So now I guess I’ll have to meet your friends.”
“Wait, all the screaming, and cheering, and swearing—you’ve been faking liking football the whole time?”
“Sir, your sitting here and drinking coffee while simply musing is making our guests uncomfortable.”
“I can’t believe I waited this long to get a financial-support animal.”
“I wrote, self-published, and remaindered it myself.”
“I begged you not to drink all that blood. Now you’ll just have to hold it until sunset.”
“ … and the sales call was coming from inside the house!”