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” … two nations, under God … ”
“I thought we said no presents!”
“I got into coffee for the wordplay.”
“We have ways of making you small-talk.”
“Where has this plain white T-shirt been all my life?”
“‘Oil and acrylic on canvas, but may also contain traces of peanut.’”
“When did constantly making pictures of your food become a thing?”
“It was awful—we got stuck sitting next to our kids the whole flight.”
“I’m just saying—I think we’d be better off borrowing the money.”
“O.K., O.K. … I’d lay with Peter, betroth Paul, and smite Luke.”
“Instead of digging a hole to China, I’ve hired the Chinese to dig a hole to us.”
“I don’t know—the EPA was here when I left last night.”
“Boy, that extra 1.5° Celsius makes a big difference up here.”
“Yeah, no, it’s vast. I just thought it would be vaster.”
“I draw the line at flip-flop shares.”
“A large skim latte, double shot, no ‘Have an awesome day.’”