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“Don’t, son—once they cross over into meats, they’re out of our jurisdiction.”
“You can be whatever you want to be, but you’ll probably turn out like me.”
“Latte for name withheld.”
“Next, I will attempt to escape a sentence that begins ‘I’m not racist, but…’”
“Well, well. Look who’s back from trying to make it in the big city.”
“The paper says that pro-Trump letters will no longer be edited for clarity.”
“Race, gender, and sex are off limits, but the last time I looked, you can still discriminate on the basis of food preference.”
“You can always spot the tourists.”
“I hate this stupid place.”
“Remember, my cover story is that I’m leaving politics to spend time with you.”
“Same thing every year. You can’t get them to do a blessed thing the week between Christmas and New Year’s.”
“Have you tried doing the thing you just told me you tried?”
“New Year’s resolutions are fine, but we should really focus on our squad goals.”
“Oh wow, Countdown to End Times calendar. No, Dean, I don’t already have one. Um, Happy New Year to you too.”
“I just got something off his registry.”
“What I’m hearing is that you love them, but, in the future, you’d like me to prioritize bags of money.”
“Ironically, all the guys from the hunting lodge were on the ‘Nice’ list.”
“I couldn’t make it here, so I’m going to try Boston.”
“If Basquiat painted it, you wouldn’t say the naïveté seems forced.”