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“Oh, God, it’s the Herefords. Pretend you don’t see them.”
“What is it about a T-shirt cannon that says ‘foreplay’ to you?”
“Goodness, this interview sure consists of an unusual number of hypothetical questions about how to hide a corpse.”
“We find the defendant guilty of gaslighting, lovebombing, and first-degree breadcrumbing.”
“I sympathize. It’s weird for me, too.”
“Hello, ma’am! Have you ever looked at other shark owners and thought, ‘Why not me?’ … ”
“And do you, Brian, pledge to listen attentively and offer no analysis or solutions of any kind, unless explicitly asked to do so?”
“Well, team, we’ve been officially disqualified. You can come out of there, Tyler.”
“I don’t need another pillow. Thank you, though.”
“It’s O.K.! Shark attacks like this are incredibly rare.”
“Promise me that you’ll donate my body to banana bread.”
“Plagues are old-school—we’re going to hit you with sanctions.”
“Please arrive 15 minutes before your appointment time, which is one-and-a-half hours before the doctor will actually see you.”
“All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine … from a tub.”