Skip to Content
“If you work hard, exploit your employees, take advantage of a pandemic, use loopholes to avoid taxes, and hoard your wealth, you can someday, in an act of extreme self-indulgent, meaningless vanity, be an astronaut.”
“Clown pirates!! Whatever you do, don’t underestimate their numbers!!”
“There’s something you should know about me.”
“Fascinating. He ran on it the first few days, but now he’s just using it to hang his clothes.”
“Satan? Oh, heavens, no! Satan was created by the marketing team to drive membership and sell energy drinks.”
“I was thinking of something more pointy.”
“Your job will be to bang your head against this wall from nine to five each day.”
“Will you please stop acting like my mother except for the laundry and food and cleaning and stuff?!!”
“Frankenstein is my father’s name. Please, call me Monster.”
“We’ve concluded that an alarming percentage of the population are experiencing involuntary eye-rolling at the word ‘inclusion.’”
“It turns out he’s been speaking in word salad all along. He was able to hide it during his lengthy career as an art critic.”
“You’re supposed to put the air holes in the top of the box.”
“I used to shoot first and ask questions later, but now I start with the questions.”
“It’s official. The middle ground has now become fringe territory.”
“Snowmanbun.”
“Try ‘moonguest’ again with a capital M.”