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“How did you manage to fail history?”
“I’m sorry, but ‘just plain old coffee’ no longer exists.”
“I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don’t want to bother the nice 911 people.”
“Thank you, Slightly More Correct Wording Man.”
“It’s nice having the option to work from home.”
“He doesn’t have a single redeeming quality. He’s just disgusting and awful and repulsive, and he has no consideration for other people’s feelings.”
“Vacation’s over.”
“And it looks like the Bitcoin toss has left everyone confused.”
“Aw, Rex is chasing cats in his dreams again.”
“There’s no good time to break up, but I wanted to wait until after Shark Week.”
“Before you begin, let’s come up with a safe word I can say if I need you to stop.”
“‘Help! Help!’ he frantically cried in vain.”
“We’re just a small tech start-up, but we’ll let you know if we need any palookas clobbered.”
“Oh, dear God, more kitsch.”
“I do appreciate that it eats other bugs, but it also ate my husband.”