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“Well, sweetie, it was a complicated time—yes, we lost women’s reproductive rights, but we were busy fighting for work e-mails to include pronouns.”
“Oh, you’ll talk. By the time we’re through, you’ll be begging to tell me how much wood you chucked.”
“All right, but use a coaster.”
“There’s always a prima donna.”
“Go left. I forgot to get a lid for my coffee.”
“I’ll kiss him after the flies are under control.”
“The aerodynamics suck, but it’s better for my back.”
“Everyone who cares about you is here, Frank, because we all feel it’s time you quit wearing your baseball cap backwards.”
“Well, Janet, it sounds like it’s important to Ed, so maybe you could pay attention to how he did on every hole for at least the front nine.”
“I know the way. I just act lost so I can spend less time being locked in a cage.”
“Give her a minute. She just got back from visiting her parents’ retirement home and found out they have giant tricycles.”
“Do as he says or he writes an op-ed.”
“The ‘well regulated’ part takes all the fun out of being in a militia.”
“You knew I had a thing for pillows when you married me.”
“If you eat gluten, we have a ton of it in the back.”
“I hate it when they pander to the TikTok vote.”
“My client is willing to settle. Do you still have the leg?”
“Disgraceful! A message in a bottle—in a plastic bottle, if you please!”
“First we were like, ‘Noooo,’ then we were like, ‘Yayyy,’ now we’re like, ‘Noooo,’ again.”