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“I need a teeny-tiny handbag so I don’t have to stow away my husband’s wallet, phone, and reading glasses.”
“We should never have invited your family to live with us.”
“Oh, don’t worry, we just find this planet hilarious.”
“I just kept feeding him candy.”
“Eww, gross! The Brians are back.”
“Spare me the early-bird lecture.”
“Obviously our vow of poverty excludes real estate.”
“Private equity bought the dam and jacked up rents. Nests are next.”
“On the plus side, it’s nice to be doing something together.”
“Your ears seek wisdom, but your lips seek Himalayan lip balm.”
“I didn’t know this was a formal event.”
“I consider every member of our family to be like family.”