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“Look at him, strutting around as though the last four years never happened.”
“Can I put you on hold? My country is on fire.”
“I picked the wrong year to start journaling.”
“I know you’re trying to kill me, but this is actually quite fun!”
“I have no trouble falling asleep, and I have no trouble waking up. I just need to switch when they happen.”
“I need to stop dating ex-cons.”
“You pull one thorn out of a lion’s paw and suddenly he won’t stop calling you.”
“If you’re that cold, put on another sweater vest.”
“I told you this would be better than a bird feeder. Heh. I’ll go brew some coffee.”
“Politics has divided everything.”
“I fly south for the winter, and north for the bagels!”
“I got Pfizer, I got Moderna, I got AstraZeneca.”
“No, the billboards are not based on our search history.”
“I’m sorry, honey. But sometimes life is going to treat you fairly.”