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“Please arrive 15 minutes before your appointment time, which is one-and-a-half hours before the doctor will actually see you.”
“All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine … from a tub.”
“I’m gonna stand up to the government the only way I know how … screaming at a 16-year-old earning minimum wage!”
“Today’s my last day. They’re replacing me with a TV that’s stuck on a 24-hour news channel.”
“I don’t need you to slay the dragon. I need you to listen to the dragon.”
“All we can do now is hope it sees something shiny on Staten Island.”
“He failed at hunting, and gathering was beneath him.”
“Have we heard anything from the throne-repair people yet?”
“All of our wines are, like, totally chuggable.”
“Oh, just put it anywhere.”
“Tell us where the bodies are buried and then we’ll discuss a Netflix special.”
“Hey—make sure the mask covers his nose.”
“Nice to see him getting landmark status.”
“Is this worse? Or is this worse?”
“Try ‘moonguest’ again with a capital M.”
“It’s official. The middle ground has now become fringe territory.”
