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“It’s been a stressful school year.”
“So the buttons, beads, rings, nuts, keys, bolts, and baubles go in the offshore account, and we’ll report the nail.”
“We need to replace our mission statement with an excuse.”
“I thought we’d decided on the gold-leaf pattern.”
“I haven’t finished saying no yet.”
“Good evening, and welcome to the Situation Room.”
“They were apparently more advanced than we thought.”
“I told you it was too soon to ride the subway.”
“Now don’t do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once.”
“Wait—we can vote?”
“The irony is I’ve always considered myself a champion of the little guy.”
“No, you’ve got it right. Hammer second to last, then mace all the way to the outside.”
“Does the court promise to listen to me? Really listen?”
“Apparently removing my reproductive organs wasn’t enough.”
“Now get to chiseling.”
“Is this Orwellian or Kafka-esque?”
“Yes, I get it. You love him unconditionally and will welcome him with open arms always, but you have to admit he’s kind of the worst.”
“I thought when I got my Ph.D. things would be different, but I am still a chicken.”
“We can’t rule out Antifa.”