The Attention-Whore Index

Being indicted for trying to overturn an election would make it hard for anyone to fly under the radar, and it’s even tougher if you’re a former president. So it’s no surprise that Donald Trump won last week’s Attention-Whore polling with 44.3 percent of your vote. Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and Elon Musk tied for second with 16 percent, and—a surprise to us—the Sussexes and Beckhams, who offered up a modest sundered friendship, nevertheless outpolled Rudy Giuliani, even though he really outdid himself last week. But the choice, as always, is yours. Speaking of which:

The nominees in this week’s edition of the Attention-Whore Index Poll are …

1.

LIZZO

The Grammy-winning singer and proponent of “body positivity” was accused by three former dancers of sexual harassment and “demean[ing] them in ways that are not only illegal but absolutely demoralizing.” False imprisonment, religious and racial harassment, and weight-shaming—that would be, we assume, body negativity?—were also mentioned. Lizzo has denied the “false allegations” and “sensationalized stories.” But it wasn’t long before six more dancers spoke up with new accusations against her, though it’s still unclear whether additional lawsuits are in the offing.

2.

JOHN LAURO

Is Donald Trump’s lawyer angling for inclusion in Bartlett’s? Lauro characterized Trump’s directives to his vice president to stall the certification process and substitute state electors, and his instructions to Georgia’s secretary of state to “find” him some more votes, as merely … “aspirational.” The old Horatio Alger defense.

3.

PRINCE HARRY

Employees at BetterUp, a San Francisco–based life-coaching company at which Harry reputedly receives a seven-figure salary as something called “chief impact officer,” are, according to the Daily Mail, disgruntled. It seems that 100 of their colleagues were just laid off, and some are wondering what, exactly, Harry—who was not among the hundred—does for the company.

4.

COMMANDER

The First Dog has continued to bite staff, particularly Secret Service agents, at the White House and at the Bidens’ home in Delaware. The German shepherd’s tally currently stands at 10, already eclipsing the record of his predecessor, Major, who bit 8 people and was off-loaded to friends in 2021. Somebody give Commander a treat, or something!

5.

FREDDIE MERCURY

Forty-two years after Mercury’s death, his close friend Mary Austin is putting the contents of his home up for auction at Sotheby’s—30,000 items, much of it clothing. Since you were wondering, the sale does include his mustache comb.

6.

ELON MUSK

Announced that he might need surgery, pending an M.R.I. on his neck and upper back, putting the already tenuous cage match with Mark Zuckerberg in doubt—at least for the short term. Zuckerberg had set a date of August 26, which Musk had not confirmed and, presumably, will not now. A sad day for those hoping for some billionaire bloodshed.

7.

Ron D_ESANTIS

More reports that his campaign finances are in bad shape, and yet another reshuffle of his staff, including replacing his campaign manager. Oh, and two-and-a-half months after officially launching his campaign—and what feels like years after unofficially launching it—went out on a dangerous limb regarding the 2020 election: “Of course [Trump] lost.” As one G.O.P. strategist told The New York Times, “He’s clearly an intelligent person. But he has no idea how to run for president.”

And now for this week’s Diary …

A group of 17 German tourists renting the Villa Alceo just north of Milan have destroyed the 19th-century Domina statue, by Enrico Butti, which stood in the villa’s fountain and was worth an estimated $220,000. According to Italian media, the young men included influencers who were captured on surveillance cameras—and presumably on their own cell phones, for future social-media content—embracing the statue, in the process toppling it.

Meanwhile, back in Germany, prosecutors have “uncovered illegal content including Nazi symbols in chat messages involving five officers from three different police districts,” Euronews reported. The officers “are suspected to have exchanged Nazi symbols in chats and possessed child pornography during their training.”

A tycoon’s widow who said she guaranteed a $64 million loan for her late husband’s business “out of love” is liable for that debt, the High Court has ruled. Xiaomin Zhang, who lives in London, said she’d signed the documents at the request of her husband, Zhenxin, “as part of her affectionate duty as a wife,” The Times of London reported. The court concluded that Zhang was not protected by U.K. consumer law, even though the justice noted that he accepted that “she acted predominantly out of love” and that marriages “could be assessed as including some transactional features … real life being what it is. That does not mean that their mainspring is not love, but money.”

It’s not as though we need any further evidence that the golden age of air travel is far behind us, but lost luggage and disagreeable passengers aren’t even the worst of it. From The Guardian: “Iraq’s prime minister has ordered an investigation into how a bear escaped from its crate in the cargo hold of an Iraqi aircraft as it was due to depart from Dubai airport.” Iraqi Airways eventually confirmed that the bear was Baghdad-bound. “Keeping predatory animals as pets in Iraq — especially in Baghdad — has become popular among wealthy residents,” the newspaper noted. The bear was sedated and removed, and the flight cleared for takeoff.

A tour guide in this southwestern China prefecture, known for its eco-tourism, has been filmed browbeating a busload of visitors into shopping. “The beautiful scenery of Jiuzhaigou [Valley] did not disappoint you, so I hope you will not disappoint Jiuzhaigou,” he said, according to the South China Morning Post. “Once you’ve finished looking and selecting, and are done with your purchases, we will leave. Everyone will have a shopping bag in their hand, then and only then will we get on the bus and leave.” He added, “Tourism is about milking the kind-hearted and the rich.” An official investigation has been opened. —George Kalogerakis

George Kalogerakis, one of the original editor-writers at Spy, later worked for Vanity Fair, New York, and The New York Times, where he was deputy op-ed editor. A co-author of Spy: The Funny Years and co-editor of Disunion: A History of the Civil War, he is a Writer at Large at AIR MAIL