Simply declaring that you’re a candidate for president is enough to qualify you as an Attention Whore. But the real genius, in terms of competing seriously (here in A.W.I., if not necessarily in I.O.W.A.), lies in finding a way to stand out in a crowded field. That’s exactly what Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has pulled off, winning last week’s poll handily, with 44.4 percent of your votes. Perennials Harry and Meghan were a distant second at 18.7 percent, followed by the globe-trotting centenarian Henry Kissinger (12.2 percent), the crime-scene opportunist Rudy Giuliani (9.8 percent), and—oh, God—Donald Trump (9.4 percent). Then the rest of the field.
As for who grabs the brass ring next, that’s entirely up to you.
