The Attention-Whore Index

Unsurprisingly, out-of-work Tucker Carlson had his special Attention-Whore moment last week, handily winning the poll with 38.7 percent of your votes. Ron DeSantis parlayed his impersonation of a Mickey Mouse–hating, globe-trotting foreign dignitary into a second-place finish (22 percent), with Marjorie Taylor Greene just behind him (19.6 percent.) Trailing the leaders: Elon Musk, Donald Trump, the cast of MILF Manor, Max Scherzer, and Kim Jong Un.

Which brings us to the run-up to the coronation. This has been ongoing for seven months—if you ask Charles, for seven decades—but certainly it attained fever pitch this week. In fact, today’s the big day, isn’t it?! We’d better get ready and hustle on over. (Business casual, right?)

The nominees in this week’s edition of the Attention-Whore Index Poll are …

1.

LIZ TRUSS

Was billed $15,000 by the Cabinet Office for expenses incurred last summer at Chevening House, the 115-room estate where Truss and her staff hunkered down at length to prepare for her prime-ministership, which lasted about as long as a major hangover. In addition to the food and wine consumed, some bathrobes and slippers reportedly disappeared. Initially, Truss contested the bill and asked for “an accurate invoice,” but then agreed to pay it, as well as replace any items that had gone missing. One hopes they’ve done an inventory of bathroom soap bars as well.

2.

CHOUPETTE

The fluffy, testy Birman cat that had belonged to Karl Lagerfeld—and inherited $1.6 million—was back in the news with speculation about whether she would attend the Met Gala honoring her late benefactor. (Choupette currently resides in France.) She did not, although she was well represented by Jared Leto and several other human-size doppelgängers among the 600 A.W.I.-worthy attendees.

3.

GEORGE SANTOS

The fluffy, testy representative from Long Island is defiantly making the scene—turning up at Donald Trump’s arraignment in New York last month, announcing that he’ll run for re-election, and, according to The New York Times, telling “a bar packed with margarita-sipping young Republicans” in Washington that “the truth will set you free” (sic) and “I’m not going anywhere. You’re going to have to drag my dead, cold body out of this institution.” Presumably meaning Congress and not the bar.

4.

MEGHAN MARKLE

Laying low of late, and staying home this weekend, but clearly looking ahead. One of Hollywood’s more powerful agencies confirmed her signing: “We are honored to announce that WME now represents Meghan, The Duchess of Sussex in all areas. The agency will be focusing on building out her business ventures across multiple facets of the agency & its broader ecosystem, including film & television production, brand partnerships & more.”

5.

MEGHAN’S ESTRANGED FAMILY

Meanwhile, the duchess’s attention-averse relatives (must be something in the DNA) have released home movies of her as part of a new documentary intended to “set the record straight” and “give their side of the story,” said the Daily Mail. Her father is “open to any kind of conversation” to patch things up. Preferably a public one, it would seem.

6.

DONALD TRUMP

Would have loved to attend his trial for rape, but had to fly on “Trump Force One” to Scotland to cut the ribbon on a new golf course in Aberdeen. And maybe, just maybe—his being in the neighborhood and all that—he was hoping for a late invitation to that bash down in London?

7.

WAX PRINCE HARRY

Prince Harry’s wax figure has reappeared alongside those of his father, stepmother, brother, and sister-in-law at Madame Tussauds London. The reinstatement is coronation-specific, temporary, and, given that Wax Harry is just a few feet away from his Wax Family, rather poignantly optimistic. “His figure will remain in The Royal Palace experience until the end of the coronation celebrations,” said Tussauds, “after which he will take the short trip back to the attraction’s Awards Party zone, to stand by his wife’s side amongst our Hollywood A-listers.” (Who on earth would the B-listers be?)

And now for this week’s Diary …

Auto-exiled Spanish king Juan Carlos has three grown children—whoops, make that four, according to a new book by journalists José María Olmo and David Fernández. The newfound Alejandra was born in the late 70s or early 80s to an aristocratic mother who’d met the king when they were both young, according to the book, and has long been aware of her provenance, her existence “an open secret” in royal circles.

The former wife of Russia’s E.U.-sanctioned deputy defense minister, Timur Ivanov, is living the life. According to Alexei Navalny’s Anti-Corruption Foundation, Ivanov divorced Svetlana Maniovich a year ago to shield her from repercussions, and she has hit the ground running—enjoying a villa in the South of France, a yacht in Naples, an apartment in Paris, and spending her days shopping for jewels and dancing in Courchevel. Maniovich’s ex-husband, who is said to be the sole source of her income, makes about $175,000 a year. Officially.

Meanwhile, in Estonia, a Russian ex–police officer is confronting a somewhat different lifestyle. Semiel Vedel was sentenced to seven years in prison under a new Kremlin law intended to crush dissent. “During three phone conversations with friends last year, Vedel referred to Russia as a ‘murderer country’ … and claimed that Russia was suffering ‘huge losses’ in Ukraine,” reported the Associated Press. “Officials deemed the conversations public because Vedel’s phone was wiretapped and an investigator listened in on the calls.”

A man in southwestern China has removed his ex-girlfriend’s name from his family’s tombstone, on which it had been carved alongside those of his grandparents and their (still living) children, grandchildren, and spouses, according to the South China Morning Post. When the couple broke up, in 2021, a court ruled that the woman’s name should be deleted “because it might hurt ‘her feelings and future life.’” The man’s reluctance stemmed from a concern that removing the name “might upset the family’s feng shui.”

A dispute among rival pigeon racers in this Portuguese city has ended in the deaths of four men—apparently a triple homicide and a suicide. The disagreement among the four, whose pigeons were competing, “also centred on an illegal vegetable garden,” Euronews reported. The local police commissioner described the tragedy as “an isolated situation.” One would hope.

Late into an interview with Vogue Italia, Elly Schlein, the recently elected leader of Italy’s center-left opposition party, was asked about how she dresses and replied, “In general I say yes to colours and the guidance of Enrica Chicchio, a personal colour analyst.” Uh-oh. Chicchio is a well-known, and not inexpensive, stylist in Bologna. Cue the accusations of “champagne socialist!” —George Kalogerakis

George Kalogerakis, one of the original editor-writers at Spy, later worked for Vanity Fair, New York, and The New York Times, where he was deputy op-ed editor. A co-author of Spy: The Funny Years and co-editor of Disunion: A History of the Civil War, he is a Writer at Large for AIR MAIL