Well, the $120,000 worth of bling he made off with is probably some consolation—because, let’s face it, the pistol-wielding robber who liberated all that jewelry from the lobby of the George V hotel last week is never going to give Cary Grant any serious competition for Best-Dressed Hotel Thief. “The robber, who was wearing a crash helmet and a balaclava, smashed glass showcases with an axe, scooped up the jewels, stuffed them in his pockets and made his getaway on the pillion of a powerful scooter driven by his waiting accomplice,” reported The Times of London. The fact that a surveillance camera was able to record his clothing brands is just more evidence that, if and when the police catch this particular thief, it won’t turn out to be John “the Cat” Robie.

A government official in northeastern China got the broom after having been beaten with a mop. A now-viral 14-minute video shows a woman (identified by the surname Zhou) throwing things at a man (identified as Wang, the deputy director of the district’s Poverty Alleviation Department) and then taking a mop to him while swearing and accusing him of sexual harassment. “It was just a joke,” he is heard to say, while remaining seated and wiping his face. The South China Morning Postreported that “the Beilin district commission for discipline inspection had removed Wang from his office and party position for ‘lifestyle violations of discipline,’” and that Zhou would not be punished.