At first blush, the new section of that’s devoted to men is at once neurotic-making and distractingly sparkly: a psychotherapy session in a disco. But on further inspection, Goop for Men reveals itself as nothing short of a gross act of gender bias: time after time, it leaves us gentlemen out in the cold.

Where, for instance, is the male equivalent of Goop founder Gwyneth Paltrow’s practice of suspending herself, sans underwear, over mugwort for genital steaming? Are we men wholly unsteamable, Gwyneth? Surely men, so preoccupied with the size of their manhood in relation to other manhoods in the neighborhood, might benefit from some kind of elaborate, mugwort-adjacent activity, this one perhaps also comprising gentle stretching and a strong, metal clamp.