It should have been us, guys. We got federal indictments and New York State convictions. But, no, it’s Nicolas Sarkozy and not Donald Trump who woke up on the morning of October 21 bathed in the bitter perfume of his new residence—La Santé Prison, in Paris.
Even if the 23rd French president’s time behind bars is cut short, the sound of any jailhouse door hitting him in the rear would be a sweet one for the many, many who disdained his right-wing politics and spectacular thirst for attention.
We’ll go on to celebrate some of Sarkozy’s finer moments in public life, but first, a quick rundown of what got him in hot water, because his criminal webs are hard to keep straight. Here are three that were finally sticky enough:
The Bismuth Affair. François-Marie Banier, an arty “It” boy turned walker to the L’Oréal heiress Liliane Bettencourt, was accused of absconding with around $1.16 billion, in cash, real estate, and art, of the family’s assets. Some of that was alleged to have been handed over—in envelopes of cash—to Sarkozy’s 2007 presidential campaign.
Sarkozy was cleared of that part, but during the investigation, his presidential diary wound up in the hands of the investigating judge. There was enough funky business in there that he tried bribing a second judge for confidential information on the progress of the case. Big mistake.
After a long and winding inquiry, Sarkozy was convicted of illegal campaign financing and sentenced to a year in confinement, six months of which were suspended. (The name of this scandal comes from the false name “Paul Bismuth,” which Sarkozy used for wiretapped conversations with his lawyer.) He was fitted for his ankle bracelet only this February and kept it on for just a scant three months, because for some reason, once you turn 70 in France, no matter how long your sentence, you are no longer burdened by the anklet of shame. Vive la différence.
The Bygmalion Affair kicked off when Sarkozy was investigated for having laid out twice the legal spending limit on his losing 2012 run for president. His grand rallies were staged, the security costs exorbitant. Sarkozy handed the bill to his political party, illegally, rather than to his campaign, and a P.R. company (named Bygmalion) faked invoices to try to cover up the receipts. For his role in the operation, which was kaleidoscopic, Sarkozy was sentenced to another year of confinement with six months suspended. He appealed it and is awaiting resolution.
Libya. This was the big one, earning Sarkozy five years behind bars for criminal conspiracy in a long-standing quid pro quo relationship with the African nation that started back in his 2007 run for the Élysée. It was found that, in exchange for campaign cash, Sarkozy, as president, would allegedly work to whitewash the reputation of Libya’s dictator, Muammar Qaddafi. Sarkozy is appealing this one, too, but had to start serving his sentence. Unlike in the U.S., the French judiciary is prepared to act when the democratic process is manipulated by a foreign power. If Sarkozy wins his appeal, he’ll be sprung from La Santé immediately.
Because we should all savor the flavor of justice, even when it’s not our own, let’s loosen our corks. Since one doesn’t drink without nibbles in France, here, some hors d’oeuvre–size fun Sarko facts you may or may not have known:
1. He Was Too Vulgar Even for Silvio Berlusconi
One of the most important things to understand about France: if you have money, you’re supposed to be ashamed of it. If you can’t handle that, move to London, like half of the French banking class. If you want to stay put and thrive, at least have the good sense to drive a Twingo and keep your head down.
Sarko broke this ironclad taboo and still achieved the highest office. This made a lot of French people mad. He never went to one of the elite grandes écoles like all the other modern presidents except de Gaulle, either. He was nouveau riche; he was an arriviste. He saw himself as scrappy; everyone else, even his allies, saw him as yappy, because he never shut up.
Money has been Sarkozy’s brand since he was elected as mayor of the posh suburb of Neuilly-sur-Seine at the tender age of 28, after knifing his political mentor, Charles Pasqua, in the front. Back then, he was a lawyer with a degree from the perfectly fine school of Paris Nanterre. He kept his business- and family-law practice churning at the same time as he held office to, let’s say, optimize the considerable fortunes of boldface clients such as the tennis star Henri Leconte and the then owner of Paris Match, his close friend Arnaud Lagardère.
Another Sarkozy client was Silvio Berlusconi, who later referred to the president as “a cretin” in his memoir My Way. “Sarkozy had an incredible hostility to me, and for many reasons,” wrote whichever poor ghostwriter had the misfortune of getting the job. “One of them was that he was obsessed by money…. He was jealous, because I was rich and he wasn’t…. After his wedding [to Carla Bruni in 2008], he told me, ‘You see, Silvio! Now I’m rich, just like you!’”
2. Cécilia, You’re Breakin’ His Heart
We need an extended moment with Sarkozy’s second wife, Cécilia Ciganer-Albéniz, a model turned P.R. exec who might have been the great love of his life. They were both still married to others when they moved in together, in 1988. (As mayor, it was Sarko who married Ciganer-Albéniz and her former husband, Jacques Martin, in 1984. Awkward!)
The Cécilia era was Nicolas’s first time in a power couple. By the time the two married, in 1996, he was still mayor but now also a member of the Assemblée Nationale. The witnesses at the wedding were the telecoms-and-construction mogul Martin Bouygues and Bernard Arnault. A chill group of bros.
Cécilia became an important political adviser to her husband. She had an office next to his under his various ministries and served as chief of staff to their UMP political party. Nothing repels quite like togetherness, because in 2005, when Sarkozy was serving his second stint as minister of the interior under Jacques Chirac, Cécilia dumped him for the P.R. mogul Richard Attias. She came back reluctantly during his run for president in 2007 but didn’t even cast a vote for her husband in the second round.
The Nouvel Obs’s blog Rue 89 was about to report on that saucy fact when owner Arnaud Lagardère shut the item down, so the rumor goes. Cécilia would get the last laugh when she walked out on Sarkozy for good, in October 2007, a few short months after his victory, making him the first French head of state to divorce while running the country. If you know anything about French presidents, this stat is actually a miracle. Eight days before Sarkozy married Carla Bruni in one of the fastest courtships known to man, he allegedly wrote Cécilia a text message saying, “If you come back, I’ll cancel the whole thing.” (Sarkozy has denied this, and even sued Le Nouvel Obs over it, although he later withdrew the lawsuit.)
It is well known that, since the advent of modern media, French news organizations have basically agreed not to pay close attention to the private lives of leaders. Sarkozy rendered that null and void by rapaciously courting the tabloids and TV and then turning out to be messy as hell. He left the press no choice but to go there, breaking for good the most convenient omertà in all of Europe after the existence of Monaco.
3. His Magical Victory Tour
When Sarkozy celebrated his win in 2007, it didn’t exactly play out like his campaign suggested it might. Commenting in between the first and second rounds of the election, his mouthpiece said that Sarkozy would likely retreat to a monastery to prepare for the demands of the Elysée with sober reflection.
Not quite. Victory secured, with no more need for tedious humility, the new head of state threw a V.I.P. dinner at Hôtel Barrière Fouquet’s. If you don’t know it, imagine the Bellagio hotel, but instead of the Las Vegas Strip, it’s on the Avenue George V. At the time, the rooms had retractable TVs encased in pearlized faux croc.
On that sparkling night, the Sarkozys rubbed elbows with captains of industry while the campaign staff was left to wander around the Place de la Concorde. Next, Nicolas, Cécilia, and their son, Louis, were whisked away in a private jet to a yacht belonging to the extreme-right-wing industrialist and media mogul Vincent Bolloré for a three-day cruise around Malta and Sicily. It was not an auspicious start.
Just a few months later, allegedly making good on a presumed arrangement with Qaddafi, Sarkozy invited the best-dressed dictator in Africa for a state visit—his first time on French soil in 35 years. Qaddafi rocked up with an all-female retinue of security guards and literally pitched a Bedouin tent in the garden of the Hôtel de Marigny. The glamping spectacular was not a great optic for a public that has more than a wee problem with conspicuous displays of North Africanness.
4. His Most Annoying Signature Policies
Sarkozy was widely seen to have courted the far right in his crackdowns on Muslim dress in public. He outlawed the full face veil in 2009 (the law went into effect in 2011), even if only an estimated 5,000 women adopted the form of dress. Running again for president in 2016, he vocally supported a ban on the modest swimsuits labeled “burqinis” for how they—shockingly!—covered women’s limbs on the beach.
More annoying, less insidious: If you drive around France today, you will notice a large array of speed cameras. The first big bulk buy happened when Sarkozy was minister of the interior.
As budget minister, Sarkozy oversaw one of the biggest increases in public debt ever: $232 billion. But he could manage some state money. One of his first official acts as president was to raise his own salary from around $116,000 a year to $277,000. That may sound quaint to Americans living under the regime of President Meme Coin, but it was shocking at the time.
5. The Flagrant Use of Photo Ops
Nobody loved to jog so pointedly. Clad in message tees and giant Ray-Ban Aviators, Sarkozy had a flair for the sweaty pap safari that put Bill Clinton to shame. Who could forget the snap of Sarkozy on vacation canoeing shirtless? Paris Match, which functioned as unofficial court stenographer, was at least kind enough to airbrush out his love handles. And then there was how he and Carla Bruni came out as a couple, a mere four months after Cécilia cucked him in front of God and everyone. They chose a discreet, out-of-the-way, little-known spot called Disneyland Paris to sally forth, hand in hand with the kids. After she became the First Lady, Bruni-Sarkozy released an album, Comme si de Rien N’Était.
6. France’s First Instagram Incarceration
Old habits die hard. The paparazzi somehow knew that Sarkozy would spend one of his last nights of freedom before reporting to La Santé Prison at the Hotel George V, celebrating the 14th birthday of his youngest child, Giulia. (She got a Fendi bag. Cue the outrage.) Next came a one-on-one with Paris Match. In it, the convict claimed not to have asked for kid gloves at La Santé. Reads the article: “‘I forbade my lawyers to ask for any special treatment,’ he clarified. Any outside pressure for him to accept a more spacious cell was refused. Firmly.”
Allowed to bring three books, he chose The Count of Monte Cristo, by Alexandre Dumas, Jésus, by Jean-Christian Petitfils, and The Anthology of French Poetry, by Georges Pompidou. And don’t forget! “The former president plans to take advantage of lost time by working on a new book.” Naturellement.
Alexandra Marshall is a Writer at Large at AIR MAIL and a contributor to W, The Wall Street Journal, Vogue, and Travel + Leisure. She chronicles her recent relocation to Le Perche in the newsletter An American Who Fled Paris
