Although last night’s much-hyped two-hour interview with Oprah Winfrey was billed as an opportunity for Harry and Meghan to finally tell their side of the story, the Markle-agnostic among us might have wondered what was actually left to tell, given that they have already told their side of the story in a flurry of statements and Zoom calls, and that thing that Harry did with James Corden on a bus the other week, and also the entire book from last year that was expressly written to tell their side of the story in as much detail as possible. Nevertheless, it is now clear that the couple came to Winfrey armed to the teeth.

Even if you didn’t watch the interview, you will have found it impossible to escape the major talking points today. Meghan considered suicide, but the royal family offered no support. An unnamed family member openly fretted about the color of their son’s skin. Prince Charles stopped taking Harry’s calls. Kate Middleton made Meghan cry. They’re having a girl. They own chickens. It’s fair to assume that at least three of these things will dominate the news cycle for months to come.