The reviews of Melania (Amazon MGM Studios), still playing at bat caves across the country, constituted a massacre. The blue meanies were out in force. “An abomination,” recoiled the Daily Beast. “A disgrace,” decreed The Atlantic. The Guardian clocked it as two hours of “pure, endless hell.” Collectively, Melania registered a loud splat on Rotten Tomatoes, with a measly aggregated score of 7 percent. (Even the woebegone Ella McCay got a charitable 23 percent.)
Documentaries seldom receive such drubbings, which are usually reserved for elaborate stinkers such as Battlefield Earth or Cats or Ryan Murphy’s Kim Kardashian–starring All’s Fair, but this is no ordinary documentary, scarcely a documentary at all—more like a glossy brochure unfolding in frictionless motion with First Lady Melania Trump’s ethereal voice-over narration piped in from outer space.
