Amid all the punishingly dismal news, it’s a pleasure to report that in last week’s A.W.I. Poll Samuel Pepys actually received two votes. We assume one of them was cast by Mrs. Pepys—though that’s obviously voter fraud; she’s been dead since 1669—but it’s still somehow … refreshing. Donald Trump received many more than two votes and won again (46.2 percent). Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce finished second (23.1 percent), white nationalist turned Cabinet-member-without-portfolio Laura Loomer was third (14.8 percent), and Renaissance man Charles Kushner (Real-estate developer! Disbarred lawyer! Convicted felon! Ambassador to France! Macron lecturer! Trump in-law!) was fourth (10.1 percent).
Must we go on? We must. But first:
