It was not the first time that Donald Trump had traveled to the island in search of a good time. Naturally, he arrived by private jet and was met by the island’s discreet gray-haired owner, whose fortune—and ability to engineer trips like this one—meant he always had access to the world’s presidents, princes, and billionaires.
By the gray-haired man’s side was his longtime female companion and confidante: a charming British woman who was indispensable to him, catering to his every need, and always making sure there were plenty of ladies in waiting.
Housekeepers and staff were under strict orders—no one was to talk about what happened. Few could forget the awful fate that befell the attractive blonde who had tried to escape the island years before.
Trump had hoped to spend time with his beloved Elizabeth. Out of all the powerful men she had met, he had long thought he was her favorite. But she was gone. Still, the same games of dress-up and coquetry and mutually satisfactory arrangements would take place, as they had when she was there, amid settings designed to dazzle and distract. Behind locked doors promises would be whispered and demands acceded to that would reverberate for years to come. Trump always enjoyed these visits to Great Britain.
Lie Back and Think of England
Up until now, the one glaring similarity between King Charles III and Jeffrey Epstein was that both had spent far too long in the company of Prince Andrew. (It should also be noted that while Charles rules over the Court of St. James, Epstein lorded over the island of Little St. James.) But many in the United Kingdom feel that, by hosting Trump for yet another state visit this past week, the royal family has been pimping itself out in an all too Epstein-like manner.
According to Statista, a data-gathering firm, only 16 percent of U.K. residents like Donald Trump. Nevertheless, they have been forced to watch their generally esteemed monarch pal around with a reviled galoot as if he were a prized item of British affection, like David Attenborough or Colin Firth.
The reason for this royal act of self-exploitation—or Rex-ploitation, if you will—was revealed on Thursday when a multi-billion-dollar “tech-prosperity deal” between the two countries was announced. Trump had been so softened up by all the pomp and circumstance that he even announced that his old chum, Vladimir Putin, had “really let me down” before declaring that he had “an obligation” to end the war in Ukraine. In order to help along this trade deal, and unearth a rare glimmer of international conscience in Trump, the royals were more than happy to lie back and think of England.
This is hardly the first time the royals have been forced to put out for a criminal rogue in order to gain advantage for their country. The late Queen Elizabeth II was an expert at grinning and bearing it. In 1973, she welcomed President Mobutu of what was then Zaire (now the Democratic Republic of the Congo) even though he was in the midst of brutally torturing and killing thousands of his own citizens. In order to charm what was seen as a vital anti-Communist ally, the Queen hosted Mobutu and his wife at Buckingham Palace. But it wasn’t an entirely successful trip. Mobutu’s wife had smuggled her dog into the U.K. without quarantining it—introducing a rabies risk into the palace that endangered the beloved royal corgis. Upon seeing the illegal stowaway, the Queen allegedly cried out, “Get that dog out of my house!”
Similarly, Elizabeth hosted the bloody Romanian dictator Nicolae Ceauşescu and his wife on a state visit in 1978 at the request of Prime Minister Harold Wilson, who was seeking to push through a trade deal with the Communist country. The Queen held a state dinner and presented Ceauşescu with the Grand Cross of the Order of the Bath—mocked by the press as the “Order of the Bloodbath”—but apparently disliked the Ceauşescus so much that when she spotted them approaching her in the palace garden, she hid behind a bush rather than be forced to speak to them.
Indeed, the royal family has entertained a veritable rogues’ gallery over the years: the brutal Ugandan dictator Idi Amin, the Syrian despot Bashar al-Assad, the Zimbabwean strongman Robert Mugabe, Emperor Hirohito of Japan, and Putin. One can only hope that on the occasion of Trump’s visit they were not too fawning. Royal hospitality can occasionally be misconstrued. When the Shah of Persia visited the country in 1919, he was so entertained and flattered that he offered to buy Edith Helen, the Marchioness of Londonderry. Watch out, Kate!
George Pendle is a Deputy Editor at AIR MAIL
