This is an incredible time to be Jeff Bezos. You own James Bond. You shoot pop stars into space inside a comically phallic vanity project. Thanks to the recent revelations about Elon Musk, you are currently the richest man in the world who doesn’t—allegedly—succumb to ketamine-induced incontinence on a regular basis. And best of all, you’re about to get married!
In a little under two weeks, Bezos will marry Lauren Sánchez in a ceremony that will be markedly different from his first. The last time he tied the knot, it was one year before he founded Amazon in the garage of his rented Seattle home. The ceremony was at the Breakers, in Palm Beach, the reception included an “adult-size play area,” and the pre-nup was so nonexistent that his wife, Mackenzie Scott, instantly became the 38th-richest person on Earth the moment they divorced. This time, though, the stakes are higher. This time, Bezos is essentially buying Venice.
However, at times like this it’s important to retain some sense of relativity. Sure, the wedding party has reportedly booked out five luxury hotels for the three-day bash as well as an island monastery that has twice hosted G7 summits, and it has commandeered the city’s entire fleet of water taxis; plus, Elton John and Lady Gaga are apparently playing at the reception. And, sure, the wedding itself might happen onboard Bezos’s $500 million super-yacht, Koru—a boat so ostentatious that it requires an additional $75 million yacht to trail it—which has to be moored away from the center of Venice because its size will disrupt the eco-system. But, still, let’s not forget that this is the pared-back version.
No, really. Rumors initially pegged the Bezos-Sánchez union for Aspen, which would host a $600 million blowout event. But that idea was shelved, possibly as a response to the almighty blowback the couple experienced when Bezos flew Sánchez to space with Katy Perry in matching skintight designer jumpsuits. Instead, they have chosen to be what one guest described as “less Marie Antoinette” about it, limiting themselves to a low-key $10 million bash. Try telling that to the locals, though.
“Make alternate plans to go somewhere else if you value your sanity and your health,” barked one Reddit user upon learning of the arrangements, for the benefit of any tourists who might find themselves caught in the full glare of the spectacle. Local protest groups intend to spend the duration of the event marching with banners. There are already posters pasted around the city depicting Bezos’s head superimposed on his Blue Origin rocket accompanied by the phrase Bezos wedding in Venice? No way!
That said, it should be pointed out that Venice wanted this. In fact, it actively lobbied for it, with the city council’s director general, Morris Ceron, being tipped off about it seven months beforehand by none other than than Domenico Dolce, half of the Dolce & Gabbana design duo. “We were in competition with other places but we won out,” bragged Mayor Luigi Brugnaro of Ceron’s hustle. Or, as local activist Matteo Secchi told The Telegraph, “This is Venice behaving as a prostitute.”
It’s thought that around 200 “close friends” will be attending the event, which, on the basis of the guest list so far, will be one part Met Gala, one part plastic-surgery recovery room, and one part Bilderberg. There are Hollywood types who it is claimed will be attending—Katy Perry, Barbra Streisand, Oprah, a passel of Kardashians—as well as Bill Gates, Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner, and Barry Diller. Donald Trump is thought to have received an invitation, as has Leonardo DiCaprio, whom Sánchez notoriously appeared to flirt with in front of Bezos back in 2021.
Many of the guests—DiCaprio excluded—attended Sánchez’s bachelorette party last month. Held in Paris (because they said less Marie Antoinette, not no Marie Antoinette), the bash featured fancy dinners, sunset cruises along the Seine, and the sort of ostentatious shopping trips that people embarked upon before the advent of online retail.
According to Sánchez’s Instagram page, which cooed, “Thank you for surprising me, lifting me up and reminding me how much I needed this moment,” it sounded like fun, despite the overwhelming photographic evidence that it was actually several unsmiling women posing for endless social-media posts in uncomfortable clothes for hours at a time. Meanwhile, Jeff went to Madrid and ate risotto. End of report.
In truth, for all its city-stopping spectacle, the most awe-inspiring thing about the Bezos-Sánchez marriage might be the pre-nup. Described by the Economic Times as “ironclad” and “on par with a major business merger, the deal has been months in the making and was apparently drafted because Bezos endured such a hit during his last divorce that his lawyers expressly forbade him from marrying Sánchez until something unsinkable had been put into place. After all, true love might be eternal, but so are those 007 rights. And let’s be honest, those are probably harder to replace.
Stuart Heritage is a Writer at Large at AIR MAIL. He is the author of Bald: How I Slowly Learned to Not Hate Having No Hair (And You Can Too)
