A bit of a surprise: last week, Meghan Markle notched her first A.W.I. victory in more than a year, with 35.1 percent, entirely on the strength of her continuing use of “H.R.H.” despite having agreed to give up the title. Grasping, sure. But there must be something more going on, maybe a residual, cumulative feeling among voters that the duchess simply deserves to win these things, no matter what.
Donald Trump’s ongoing dismantling of American democracy was good for only second place (27.2 percent), and so his losing streak extends to three weeks. Secretary of Leak Investigations Pete Hegseth parlayed a threat to Iran, delivered on X partly in all caps—nice touch, that’ll frighten them—into third place (20.4 percent).
This week’s competition begins right after this:
“I was elected in a massive landslide and a big, you know, big vote.... We won everything.”
—Donald Trump
The nominees in this week’s edition of the Attention-Whore Index Poll are …
1.
PRINCE HARRY
Meghan being called out on the “H.R.H.” matter must have gotten Harry’s competitive juices flowing. Why else would he sit for a BBC interview, insist, “I would love reconciliation with my family,” and proceed to criticize them some more? “His anger at his family, the government and the very establishment that he says he does not want or need was present throughout the broadcast,” noted The Times of London. The public was, according to a Daily Mail poll, by and large unsympathetic. So was the Palace, issuing a statement effectively dismissing the prince’s endless complaints about his security arrangements. On it goes: self-inflicted, but still a little sad.
2.
LADY GAGA
Performed for more than two million fans at Copacabana Beach in Rio de Janeiro. That is some far-reaching sea of humanity! People going about their daily business as far away as Bolivia might have, technically, attended the concert without even realizing it.
3.
DONALD TRUMP
“I don’t know,” said the president of the United States, upon being asked whether he’s supposed to uphold the Constitution. As the song goes, the gentleman is a dope, even though this dope isn’t a gentleman. It turns out he’s in fact a pope, or would like to be, based on the A.I.-generated image he posted of himself in papal robes and miter, offending millions of Catholics, though not his devout convert of a vice president, naturally. (Trump then denied having posted it—“I had nothing to do with it,” and besides, “the Catholics loved it.”)
What else? Proposed a 100 percent tariff on “any and all Movies coming into our Country that are produced in Foreign Lands.” Announced one trade deal, news of which was all but eclipsed when they elected some other guy Pope (Hoax! Or, rather, “a Great Honor for our Country”), but did confirm a $45 million military parade in Washington on June 14, the U. S. Army’s 250th birthday … and, happy coincidence, his 79th. Was ready when a reporter asked what the Declaration of Independence—a gilt-framed, blue-curtained copy of which hangs in the Oval Office—meant to him. “Well, it means exactly what it says,” Trump replied, dog-paddling furiously. “It’s a declaration, it’s a declaration of unity, and love and respect, and it means a lot.”
4.
THE U.S.S. HARRY S. TRUMAN
If it felt like déjà vu when a $67 million F/A-18F Super Hornet jet failed to slow down and went over the side of the aircraft carrier this week, that might be because an F/A-18E jet had gone over the side of the Truman just the week before. The two Jet overboard! mishaps (no casualties) at least represented a departure for the carrier, which in February was involved in a collision in the Mediterranean, and in December saw another fighter jet accidentally shot down by a fellow U.S. Navy ship. All this would be tempting to blame on hapless Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, who has extended the Truman’s deployment twice recently, in the process raising questions about fatigue, but that wouldn’t be fair. At least not yet.
5.
ROBERT F. KENNEDY JR.
The ill-informed, overconfident Health and Human Services chief continued to undermine medically proven vaccines and push for research into alternative treatments for measles, such as vitamins and cod-liver oil. His idea of establishing an “autism database” was opposed by autism researchers and advocates, one of whom said, “I worry that we’re on a slippery slope to eugenics.” Was sued in federal court by 20 states for shrinking H.H.S. “This administration is not streamlining the federal government; they are sabotaging it,” said Letitia James, attorney general of New York. “When you fire the scientists who research infectious diseases, silence the doctors who care for pregnant people, and shut down the programs that help firefighters and miners breathe or children thrive, you are not making America healthy—you are putting countless lives at risk.”
6.
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE
The suddenly much-aggrieved Georgia representative posted, at great length, that “the base is not happy.... Now we are supposedly on the verge of going to war with Iran,” and slammed the U.S.’s mineral deal with Ukraine, a country run by “a dictator.” (Trump himself wasn’t criticized.) Then it was on to coronavirus vaccines, the implementation of which was “communist and tyrannical”; the “evil transgender assault against our children”; “our rogue judicial system”; and so on. Among potential candidates hoping to unseat the Democratic incumbent Jon Ossoff in Georgia’s 2026 Senate race, Greene is polling dead last—unhappy base and all. On the bright side: saw her bill to rename the Gulf of Mexico “the Gulf of America”—“one of the most important things that we can do this Congress”—pass the House of Representatives.
7.
Linda mcmahon
Just a few weeks back, on an education panel, the professional wrestling promoter turned education secretary repeatedly mispronounced “A.I.” as “A.1.”—like the steak sauce. Now she’s being ridiculed for an error-filled letter she sent to Harvard’s president threatening to withhold funding. McMahon’s missive, in which she mocks the university’s education standards, is riddled with grammatical mistakes, typos, punctuation problems, random capitalization, and run-on sentences. There was speculation it might have been written by A.I., although in terms of authorship a bottle of steak sauce seems more likely.
8.
THE MET GALA
It’s hard to stand out, preening-wise, at an event that could provide a year’s supply of A.W.I. candidates, but this week a few party-goers did. The gala’s no-phones rule “didn’t stop the likes of Megan Thee Stallion, Halle Bailey and record producer Questlove from taking out iPhones to capture moments from fashion’s biggest night,” the Daily Mail reported. And then posting those captured moments. Not spotted in any of the images: Kennedy scion Jack Schlossberg, whose lack of an invitation didn’t interfere with his conspicuous boycott of the event. “It’s not the time for a party like that,” he’d said. Why not? Just because, for instance, 25 percent of New Yorkers live in poverty? Well, the gala raised $31 million … for the Costume Institute, it’s true, but that’s just splitting hairs. Let them eat crêpe!
George Kalogerakis, a Writer at Large at AIR MAIL, worked at Spy, Vanity Fair, and The New York Times, where he was deputy op-ed editor. He is a co-author of Spy: The Funny Years and a co-editor of Disunion: A History of the Civil War
