As the already failing Trump administration (the second one, and possibly not the last) lurched into month three, there is one area where it continues to excel: this poll. Last week, the Trump cohort swept the top spots. Pete Hegseth and Mike Waltz—clueless, reckless, predictably defiant—won (46 percent) on the strength of their penchant for oversharing classified information. The 47th president and, what do you know, 47-time Attention-Whore Index winner Donald Trump had to settle for runner-up (23.9 percent). But here come the Vances! The second couple’s much-vaunted trip to Greenland—so brief it was essentially a layover as they traveled a circuitous route from one part of Washington, D.C., to another part of Washington, D.C.—earned them 13.8 percent and third place. (Fourth and fifth? The firms of Bezos, Sanchez and Paul, Weiss.)
Who will it be this time? Let’s vote. But first:
“It is far too early to think about it.”
—Donald Trump, on the possibility of a third term
The nominees in this week’s edition of the Attention-Whore Index Poll are …
1.
CORY BOOKER
The fragmented Democrats finally figured out a way to present a unified front: Let just one person do it. New Jersey’s senior senator, embracing a noble tradition of grandstanding politicians, took the floor and spoke out against the Trump administration nonstop for 25 hours and five minutes. Admittedly, it didn’t serve any legislative purpose whatsoever—the Democrats aren’t that pulled together—but it did set a new record for longest Senate speech, eclipsing Strom Thurmond’s filibuster of the Civil Rights Act, which ran for 24 hours, 18 minutes, in 1957. (In more recent times, Ted Cruz held forth in 2013 for 21 hours, 19 minutes, which is about 21 hours, 18 minutes, more of Cruz than anyone needs.)
2.
MARINE LE PEN
France’s far-right leader and a favorite to win the 2027 presidential election (she’s lost three times) will be sitting it out following her conviction for embezzling E.U. funds, which bars her from seeking public office for five years. Outrage from the usual quarters—her likely successor, 29-year-old Jordan Bardella; Donald Trump; Donald Trump Jr.; Elon Musk; and a clutch of far-right European politicians. In fact, declared Hungary’s strongman Viktor Orbán, “Je suis Marine!” (Sorry, we just don’t see it—maybe from a certain angle, in dim light?)
3.
PETE HEGSETH
Nobody’s favorite Cabinet member reportedly brought along his wife to at least two high-level military meetings. Jennifer Hegseth, a former Fox News producer, is not in the government—although for that matter neither is The Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg, so such technicalities clearly pose no obstacle for the welcoming, inclusive Hegseth. One person who is in the government is Phil Hegseth, a former podcast producer and, yes, the defense secretary’s younger brother, who has joined the Pentagon as a senior adviser for Homeland Security and liaison officer to Defense. At least the Pentagon announced it will be investigating Hegseth’s Signal habit, even if Attorney General Pam Bondi apparently won’t.
4.
KELSEY GRAMMER
The actor’s plans to raze a nearly 200-year-old Somerset cottage overlooking the Bristol Channel that he and his wife bought in 2023 and “build a modern home with a games room and gym” have upset neighbors, reported The Times of London. “It is one of the few habitations that can be seen on the 1840 tithe maps along the coast road from Portishead to Clevedon,” one opponent wrote. “Its stunning character should be reason enough for any request to demolish to be discounted.” The couple had first applied to add an extension to the existing house. That proposal was rejected by the local council, but leveling the cottage is apparently fine.
5.
PRINCE HARRY
A P.R. kerfuffle. Shortly after the Duke of Sussex stepped down as a patron of Sentebale—an African charity that supports children affected by AIDS and H.I.V.—Sophie Chandauka, the organization’s chairwoman, accused him of “harassment and bullying.” Chandauka—who has herself been accused of having an “almost dictatorial” style—claimed that, following some awkward onstage choreography between the Duchess of Sussex and herself at a Sentebale fundraiser last year (video shows the duchess apparently asking Chandauka to move out of her way), Harry reportedly requested that the chairwoman issue a statement of support for his wife. She wouldn’t. And here we are.
6.
DONALD TRUMP
The U.S. economy continued to plummet. Presidential remarks such as “I couldn’t care less if they raise prices, because people are going to start buying American-made cars. I couldn’t care less. I hope they raise their prices” didn’t help. Then came “Liberation Day” (“For DECADES we have been ripped off and abused by every nation in the World”), which the tariff-mad Trump announced with great fanfare to the consternation of even his supporters, never mind the rest of the world (and almost all economists)—but six bankruptcies will give you that sort of confidence. As for Signalgate? All Joe Biden’s fault. Because “he should have done this attack on Yemen,” thereby precluding the need for Trump’s military leaders to “do” it (having first disseminated the plans to the general public). As The New York Times reported, during the first 50 days of this administration, Trump mentioned Biden 316 times. (PS: Not favorably.)
7.
ELON MUSK
The other very stable genius running the country threw himself and his money—$25 million of it—into a local Wisconsin race for state Supreme Court judge, making his case for the Trump-backed conservative candidate this way: “What’s happening on Tuesday is a vote for which party controls the U.S. House of Representatives.... And whichever party controls the House to a significant degree controls the country, which then steers the course of Western civilization. I feel like this is one of those things that may not seem that it’s going to affect the entire destiny of humanity, but I think it will.” Western civilization and humanity survived: Musk’s candidate got trounced by the Democrat. Following that came a report in Politico that Musk, his work—eviscerating the government, alienating the population, etc.—being essentially done, would be winding down his presence in the administration. “Garbage,” said the White House. “Fake news,” said Musk. Which pretty much confirmed it.
8.
BETTINA ANDERSON AND DONALD TRUMP JR.
An article about Trump Jr. in New York magazine noted, regarding his new girlfriend, that “Palm Beach society is a little surprised at Anderson, since Junior ‘is the most despised member of the family; he’s an asshole, a spoiled heir,’ according to one insider.” Anderson promptly went on social media to say that “rumors are started by haters, spread by fools, and accepted by idiots,” and that her boyfriend is in fact the “finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful and brilliant person.” Junior himself took it more in stride. “Don’t get me wrong, I can totally be an a–hole when I need to be,” he posted, persuasively.
9.
Laura Loomer
Trump fired six National Security Council officials the day after meeting with the right-wing extremist Loomer, who came packing an enemies list for the president. Must have been some PowerPoint presentation. It’s not that she has Trump’s ear—it’s that she’s grabbed both his ears and is leading him around. “Ms. Loomer, who has floated the baseless conspiracy theory that the Sept. 11 attacks were an ‘inside job,’” The New York Times reported, “was apparently wielding more influence over the staff of the National Security Council than [Michael] Waltz, who runs the agency.” —George Kalogerakis
George Kalogerakis, a Writer at Large at AIR MAIL, worked at Spy, Vanity Fair, and The New York Times, where he was deputy op-ed editor. He is a co-author of Spy: The Funny Years and a co-editor of Disunion: A History of the Civil War