Ultima Crans-Montana in Switzerland is the ne plus ultra of chalets: 50,000 square feet of marble-bathroomed luxury, dripping with Baccarat chandeliers and humming with dozens of staff members and a chef whose previous restaurant earned a Michelin star.

Set on a slope above the village where Roger Moore lived, skied, charmed, and died, it is set on 45,000 acres overlooking a large swimming pool and a small, frozen lake.

The village has veritable old-school cachet and charm. Sophie, the Duchess of Edinburgh, skied here in her 20s, and the Swiss pistes have been bashed and the après-ski sampled by Bono, George Clooney, and Justin Timberlake as well as Moore, who was—according to a well-placed source, his former instructor Jörg Romang—a “disaster on skis.”

The sumptuous décor—and secluded setting—appeal to dictators and taste-makers alike.

Ultima Crans-Montana is, in fact, two chalets conjoined by a tunnel, and it can sleep up to 38 guests. (Who has 38 friends? I don’t think I could muster 38 for my funeral!) It was built by, and for, LVMH founder Bernard Arnault, who knows a thing or two about luxe, calme, et volupté.

Arnault sold the chalet in 2018, but many of its employees remain. (They spend the season in their own Heidi-esque wooden chalet on the property.)

Audrey gives the best deep-tissue massages, and the chef, Yohan, produced meal after meal of such finesse that, après ski, I’d wander into his state-of-the-art kitchen just to watch the artist at work, rolling a beef fillet in mustard before encasing it in a paste of wild mushroom and pastry, or whipping up a featherlight île flottante.

There’s plenty of room to socialize, so bring at least 20 of your closest friends.

The chalets are part of the Ultima collection of “hotels-palaces” of similar, all-frills Schlosses in Courchevel, Megève, Gstaad, and Geneva. The Crans-Montana property is booked back-to-back by extremely wealthy vacationers, which partly explains the opulent décor. (The chalet will be refurbished again in the spring, to achieve a more soothing Alpine look.)

It’s as popular in the summer as it is in the winter, especially now that global warming is shortening the ski season. Electric bikes have made the mountain trails and their restaurants, which have sunny terraces and cheesy, lunchtime croûtes and tartiflettes, accessible to most.

Despite appearances, Ultima Crans-Montana is child-friendly, with spacious bunkrooms and plenty of games.

For kids of all ages, the chalet has a Sega-games room, cinema, and nursery on the top floor, complete with beds lined up for a Seven Dwarfs–style sleepover. For adults, there’s a billiards room, cigar bar, library, and an embarrassment of fireplaces. The call buttons next to the beds can be employed when you can’t figure out how to turn off the lights.

The Ultima collection is very protective of its clientele, but I have it on good authority that guests of Crans-Montana have included soccer legend Lionel Messi, the late Tina Turner, and pop star Robbie Williams.

Some suites include their own kitchenettes, for when the idea of joining the group in the dining room is simply too taxing.

I tried to figure out what it costs, but the company is cagey about such things, so I was reduced to asking a staff member how much a two-week period that included Christmas and New Year’s would set me back. I was told $700,000. You read that right.

Some experiences are beyond price, certainly. Crans-Montana is not one of them, but at least I can now say I stayed at the most expensive chalet in the world. Well, one of them, anyway.

The writer was a guest of Ultima Crans-Montana. Low-season rental rates begin at $200,000 per week

Rachel Johnson is a journalist and author. Her books include The Mummy Diaries, Notting Hell, and Rake’s Progress: The Madcap True Tale of My Political Midlife Crisis

Photos: Jacob Elwood