Let’s turn away for now from the daily atrocities and, yes, vulgarities inflicted by first-ever FIFA Peace Prize laureate Donald Trump: we have a poll result to report in this bittersweet special edition of the Attention-Whore Index.
Back before the Thanksgiving holiday, well before the prestigious FIFA accolade, Trump had a week for the ages: caving on the Epstein files; feuding with Marjorie Taylor Greene; defending Tucker Carlson and Nick Fuentes; “Quiet, piggy”; selling out Ukraine; calling for the “DEATH!” (by hanging) of six Democratic lawmakers; and, let us not forget, the indelible insight that “things”—by which he meant the murder and dismemberment of journalists—“happen.” Trump won his seventh straight, with nearly 70 percent of your vote, a performance calling to mind such historic real-world election victories as Saddam Hussein’s (Iraq, 2002; 100 percent) and Kim Jong Un’s (North Korea, 2014; 100 percent).
And now,
“A hoax!”
—Donald Trump, passim
The nominees in this week’s edition of the Attention-Whore Index Poll are …
Or rather … aren’t.
Three years ago this month, in the Attention-Whore Index’s debut, AIR MAIL nominated Harry and Meghan, Ye, Donald Trump, the Kardashians, Sam Bankman-Fried, and Elon Musk. So 2022. But the ideal Attention-Whore skill set, as described early on, remained consistent: “Politicians … have the advantage of extroverted, some might say psychopathic, temperaments, and a job that requires them to be in front of the cameras as much as possible. It also helps to work in showbiz or play sports, especially if one misbehaves. Are you a member of the House of Windsor, current or emeritus? Major plus. But for almost anybody with any sort of public image, one inspired move can do the trick.”
Harry and Meghan quickly established a mini-dynasty with their incessant tugging at the public’s sleeve: together they won the first two Indexes, and Prince Harry, solo, took the next four. Six in a row, right out of the gate! Those were halcyon days: the five-hour-46-minute Netflix documentary series Harry & Meghan; Harry’s ubiquitous memoir, Spare; and With Love, Meghan, the first of the duchess’s string of lifestyle-brand debacles. Surprisingly, it wasn’t Trump who loosened the Montecitos’ stranglehold on our attention but George Santos. Trump’s initial Attention-Whore Index victory was still months away—though more would follow, to put it mildly. He topped 73 of these things, better than half. (And he hadn’t yet been honored with the FIFA Peace Prize. Did we mention that he won that?) The Montecitos, in various configurations, were a distant second, with 14 wins; Musk third, with 11.
Simply being nominated was an achievement—everyone’s a winner! Former Prince Andrew never managed the gold, but he was a chronic contender (20-plus nominations). Still, taking it all … that was special.
Aside from such perennials as Trump, the West Coast Windsors, Musk, and Santos, winners have included Don Lemon, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Ron DeSantis, Tucker Carlson, Mark Zuckerberg, Kendall Jenner, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Lizzo, Vivek Ramaswamy, Lauren Boebert, Matt Gaetz, Jada Pinkett Smith, Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift, Megyn Kelly, Elise Stefanik, Kristi Noem, the Met Gala, Samuel Alito, the Supreme Court, Jared Kushner, Kimberly Guilfoyle and Lara Trump, Silicon Valley, Pete Hegseth and Mike Waltz, and Lauren Sánchez. A veritable Hall of Fame of the Overpresent.
But now the Attention-Whore Index will retreat into the shadows, before it risks qualifying as an Attention Whore itself. This edition, the 142nd, is the last. (Thank you for reading. And voting!) We’re confident that A.W.I.’s spirit and fundamental ethos—that is, raking insufferable grandstanders over the coals celebrating the accomplishments of the spotlight-savvy—will live on in AIR MAIL. Readers, stay tuned; attention addicts, stay conspicuous.
George Kalogerakis, a Writer at Large at AIR MAIL, worked at Spy, Vanity Fair, and The New York Times, where he was deputy op-ed editor. He is a co-author of Spy: The Funny Years and a co-editor of Disunion: A History of the Civil War
