You’d think a steady drip of new Jeffrey Epstein–related revelations, combined with a humiliating public demotion that permanently, um, de-royaled a career, would be enough to win this poll. But Andrew Mountbatten Windsor had to settle for second place (23.3 percent), behind the slumped, shuffling, orange-masked juggernaut that is Donald Trump. “Perfect” M.R.I.’s, 12-on-a-scale-of-1-to-10 talks with foreign leaders, gilded crown replicas, and tackily expanding ballrooms helped Trump notch his 70th lifetime Attention-Whore Index victory (41.9 percent). Third place (13.7 percent) belonged to J. D. Vance, the vice president who doesn’t “give a shit” about any war crimes his country might be committing.
More? If we must. But first:
