It’s ferragosto—Italian for “mid-August”—which means that the whole of Italy is taking a collective vacation. We at AIR MAIL can’t help but seethe with jealousy. The hotels we’ve scrolled through and dreamed of from afar are a breezy car ride away for i fortunati—no battles with H.R., intercontinental flights, or jet lag required. As we sit at our desks in New York, we imagine Europeans lounging by the sea on Capri, smoking cigarettes, and drinking Aperol spritzes—lots of Aperol spritzes.

But here’s a little secret: most Italians avoid the places Americans lust for most. Instead, many decamp to the Aeolian Islands, as well as the laid-back Capalbio and ritzy Forte dei Marmi, on the Tuscan coast. And they have a few choice words about the American take on la dolce vita.