1. Jared Kushner, Senator Bob Menendez, and Congressman Henry Cuellar go out to dinner. Who’s most likely to pick up the check?

  1. The government of Saudi Arabia
  2. The government of Egypt
  3. The government of Azerbaijan
  4. Harlan Crow

2. “Catch and kill” is …

  1. What the National Enquirer did to bury some embarrassing celebrity stories
  2. What South Dakota governor Kristi Noem did to rid herself of a frisky puppy
  3. What Donald Trump plans on doing to silence his critics once the Supreme Court gives the thumbs-up to presidential immunity
  4. All of the above

3. What form of music are you most surprised to see resurging in 2024?

  1. Vinyl-record sales
  2. Country music in the Black community
  3. Anti-Semitic chanting on college campuses

4. Which individual do you feel is in the most imminent danger?

  1. A window-seat passenger on a Boeing aircraft
  2. An outspoken critic of Vladimir Putin’s
  3. A red-state abortion provider
  4. A Trump juror

5. Which of the following do you think will crash first?

  1. A Tesla Autopilot car
  2. The price of X stock
  3. Congressional resolve to shut down TikTok
  4. Demand for Meghan Markle’s strawberry jam.

6. Which event do you think is least likely to occur in 2024?

  1. Benjamin Netanyahu winning the Nobel Peace Prize
  2. Diddy winning the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award
  3. Vince McMahon being chosen for The Golden Bachelor’s Season Two
  4. Joe Biden recapturing the White House in a landslide

7. There has been a notable rise in book banning. If you had to pick one, which book would you most like to see banned?

  1. 1984, by George Orwell
  2. Spare, by Prince Harry
  3. The Courage to Be Free: Florida’s Blueprint for America’s Revival, by Ron DeSantis
  4. My Name Is Barbra, by Barbra Streisand
  5. Nancy Drew: The Secret of the Old Clock, by Carolyn Keene

8. Recently it was reported that a parasitic worm ate part of Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s brain. Which of the following comes closest to your reaction when first hearing this news?

  1. “Are you sure it was only part of his brain?”
  2. “Huh. I wonder if Rudy Giuliani has ever been tested for that.”
  3. “Brain worms are a side effect of the coronavirus vaccine. Everybody knows that.”

9. Despite providing no evidence, Donald Trump has repeatedly called the judge overseeing his hush-money trial, Juan Merchan, a “corrupt judge.” In your opinion, who is the most corrupt judge in America?

  1. Mike Judge
  2. Aaron Judge
  3. Judge Judy

John Ficarra is the former editor of Mad magazine

Photo: Everett Collection