1. Jared Kushner, Senator Bob Menendez, and Congressman Henry Cuellar go out to dinner. Who’s most likely to pick up the check?
- The government of Saudi Arabia
- The government of Egypt
- The government of Azerbaijan
- Harlan Crow
2. “Catch and kill” is …
- What the National Enquirer did to bury some embarrassing celebrity stories
- What South Dakota governor Kristi Noem did to rid herself of a frisky puppy
- What Donald Trump plans on doing to silence his critics once the Supreme Court gives the thumbs-up to presidential immunity
- All of the above
3. What form of music are you most surprised to see resurging in 2024?
- Vinyl-record sales
- Country music in the Black community
- Anti-Semitic chanting on college campuses
4. Which individual do you feel is in the most imminent danger?
- A window-seat passenger on a Boeing aircraft
- An outspoken critic of Vladimir Putin’s
- A red-state abortion provider
- A Trump juror
5. Which of the following do you think will crash first?
- A Tesla Autopilot car
- The price of X stock
- Congressional resolve to shut down TikTok
- Demand for Meghan Markle’s strawberry jam.
6. Which event do you think is least likely to occur in 2024?
- Benjamin Netanyahu winning the Nobel Peace Prize
- Diddy winning the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award
- Vince McMahon being chosen for The Golden Bachelor’s Season Two
- Joe Biden recapturing the White House in a landslide
7. There has been a notable rise in book banning. If you had to pick one, which book would you most like to see banned?
- 1984, by George Orwell
- Spare, by Prince Harry
- The Courage to Be Free: Florida’s Blueprint for America’s Revival, by Ron DeSantis
- My Name Is Barbra, by Barbra Streisand
- Nancy Drew: The Secret of the Old Clock, by Carolyn Keene
8. Recently it was reported that a parasitic worm ate part of Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s brain. Which of the following comes closest to your reaction when first hearing this news?
- “Are you sure it was only part of his brain?”
- “Huh. I wonder if Rudy Giuliani has ever been tested for that.”
- “Brain worms are a side effect of the coronavirus vaccine. Everybody knows that.”
9. Despite providing no evidence, Donald Trump has repeatedly called the judge overseeing his hush-money trial, Juan Merchan, a “corrupt judge.” In your opinion, who is the most corrupt judge in America?
- Mike Judge
- Aaron Judge
- Judge Judy
John Ficarra is the former editor of Mad magazine