All posts from @elonmusk
- We have a family dog. I never gave it a name. That way, it wouldn’t feel entitled, the way so many dogs do. When you give dogs a name, they think they own the place. We are developing name-tags for everyone’s lapels but with just a blank space where the name would normally be.
- This is the most important election in human history. The Democrats want to take away your freedom of speech. They want to take away your ability to have fair elections. They want to take away your arms. They want you to be defenseless, so they can murder you and your family in your beds.
- Not only that but they want to stop you eating burgers and gum and milkshakes and candy so that you and your family die of starvation. The fate of our civilization is at stake.
- Fact: Kamala Harris’s birth name is Wilkes. Her mom was Annie Wilkes, the hammer-wielding psycho played by Kathy Bates in the documentary Misery. Why do the liberal media never mention that?
- If there is a Democratic Party victory, their stated aim is to force us to speak Mexican and wear sombreros in our homes and workplaces. Have you seen how big sombreros are? This disastrous policy would mean widening our doorways at the cost of billions so that we could go in and out of our houses in this cumbersome headgear. Fact: widening our nation’s doorways will lead to the sudden collapse of up to 50% of our homes. Vote for @realDonaldTrump or die.
- If we fail to become 100% interplanetary, it is just a matter of time before a natural or manmade calamity destroys life on Earth, just like what happened to the dinosaurs. That is why Trump must win - his administration has drawn up emergency plans to save the world. On Day 1, the White House plus Rose Garden will relocate to a prime location on the Moon. On Day 2 the US Capitol building will move to Mars. On Day 3 Donald’s beautiful Mar-a-Lago complex will be relocated to Jupiter. All courtesy Space X. And then the citizens of each state will follow in turn. The alternative under Harris/Walz is for humanity to welcome total destruction causing the annihilation of all known species. Vote Trump.
- It’s true. Harris/Walz have drawn up top-secret plans to destroy all that we in America hold dear. They are plotting to fill the Grand Canyon with concrete, citing health and safety regulations. Also to rename the Statue of Liberty “The Statue of Total Conformity” and chisel away at her head so that she looks like a Puerto Rican. Don’t let them do it! Tell them to go fuck themselves!
- Strong rumors from reliable sources that Harris/Walz plan to install Dr Hannibal Lecter as Secretary of State of Health and Human Services. Fact: this is a man convicted of cooking and ingesting his fellow human beings.
- Torches are backward-looking. Look to the future, America! My team are drawing up a timetable to replace the retro torch in the hand of the Statue of Liberty with a Smith & Wesson.
- Public transport sucks. Why do you want to get on something with a lot of other people that doesn’t leave when you want it to leave or go where you want it to go? Where’s the sense? That’s why no-one likes public transport. And you’re surrounded by a random bunch of strangers. Fact: on average, 1.8 of them will either be cold-blooded murderers or will be planning to murder. So who wants to extend public transport? Ans: Harris/Walz: willing servants of the serial killer.
- Anthony Fauci traveled around the country by bus giving everyone he met so-called Covid injections. Just saying.
- Timewise, Mars is roughly eight days ahead of Planet Earth. So Donald J. Trump has already won the Presidential election there, and Harris, Biden and Walz are already shuffling along in chains, awaiting the due process of the law.
- [Repost] Andy from DuLally Texas @andydulally For the past 48 years Elvis Presley has been held against his will in room 247 of the Democratic Party HQ, 430 South Capitol St. SE, Washington. This is a national disgrace. Vote Trump.
- Frightening if true! Should we stand by and let a genuine American icon be held hostage! I am offering $1 million to the first person to set him free!
- Free speech is at stake. Without it, we are nothing. That is why we must shut down all Democratic Party attempts to stop us claiming victory. Furthermore we must ensure they are never again allowed to occupy the White House. I have hidden $1 million somewhere secret inside in the Capitol Building but I’m not saying exactly where! If the Democrats try another Big Steal, it’s up to all true American Patriots to go and find it. Finders keepers! Go 4 it guys!
- AMERICA. The only nation on earth so great they spell it the same backwards and forwards. Vote for @realDonaldTrump to save democracy!
- For me, it was never about money, always about solving problems for the future of humanity. If we can advance the knowledge of the world, if we can expand the scope and scale of consciousness, then we’re better able to ask the right questions and become more enlightened.
- That’s why I concluded, fuck this, vote Trump, rid our nation of the a-hole slimebags and sleazebags who never have and never will belong here, fight to stop them eating our dogs and our babies, fight to colonize space and save mankind and fight to keep our handguns so that we can kill others before they kill us. And that, my fellow Americans, is our highway to enlightenment.
Craig Brown has written the Private Eye satirical diary for more than 30 years and is the author of 150 Glimpses of the Beatles and Q: A Voyage Around the Queen
