It’s been a year since the Attention-Whore Index made its debut. A good time, then, for reflection and maybe a little speculation about what lies ahead for those to whom attention must be paid.
And “those,” anecdotal evidence suggests, includes most of us. We live in a TikTok universe. Influencing is a profession. The selfie plague, which already feels as ancient as daguerreotypes, doesn’t show any signs of fading away. Attention Whores are around us always, in every museum gallery we shoulder our way across, every restaurant where we have the pleasure of shouting through dinner. Maybe AIR MAIL should instead be running an index of the Attention-Averse.
In short, it’s become really hard to stand out. Yet some people do—the special ones, the ones we celebrate here each week.
What does it take to compete at the most rarefied level of spotlight hogging? Well, it helps to be Donald Trump, winner of 13 of these things. If we were awarding an Attention Whore of the Year, Trump would be it. As he’s probably been, if not always publicly, every year for the last 77.
But the Sussexes, singly and as a couple, come close, having combined for nine victories. The next biggest winner after them is Elon Musk, who, like global warming, looks set to demand our attention for a very long time.
Politicians, particularly if they’re running for president, have the advantage of extroverted, some might say psychopathic, temperaments, and a job that requires them to be in front of the cameras as much as possible. It also helps to work in showbiz or play sports, especially if one misbehaves. Are you a member of the House of Windsor, current or emeritus? Major plus.
But for almost anybody with any sort of public image, one inspired move can do the trick: say, a sudden high-profile visit to another country to atone for sins, the impulsive purchase, ransacking, and renaming of an established business, or an urge to comment on things no one really cares to hear your views on—three areas, as it happens, in which Musk has lately excelled.
Here are some other achievements we’ve rewarded in deciding which Attention Whores to nominate during the past year:
- Entering a presidential campaign (any number of people)
- Quitting a presidential campaign (any slightly smaller number of people)
- Vaping, canoodling, and otherwise causing a disturbance before being ejected from a performance of Beetlejuice (Lauren Boebert)
- Revealing that “liberal women” are “unhappy” and “ugly” (Brian Glenn, Marjorie Taylor Greene’s boyfriend)
- Planting an unwanted kiss on a champion athlete and then having your mother defend you against the backlash by going on a hunger strike (Luis Rubiales, Spain’s soccer head. Make that former soccer head)
- Posting an image of a menorah … for Yom Kippur (Marjorie Taylor Greene)
- Being a “body positivity” advocate accused of weight-shaming (Lizzo)
- Initiating a revolt against Vladimir Putin, aborting it, and then, completely coincidentally, dying (Yevgeny Prigozhin)
- Getting charged with a felony (many people)
- Getting charged with 91 felonies (he alone)
- Enduring a relentless barrage of undeclared oh-you-shouldn’t-have! expensive gifts while sitting on the Supreme Court (Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito)
- Earning a cease-and-desist letter for rapping an Eminem song (Vivek Ramaswamy)
- Advising “Jewish people” to “forgive Hitler today. Let it go. Let it go” (Ye)
- Finding yourself indicted as “Co-Conspirator 1” the same week a former employee claims to have you on tape saying, “Come here, big tits. Your tits belong to me.... I want to claim my tits” (Rudy Giuliani)
- Being Ron DeSantis (Ron DeSantis)
- Getting driven home from an event through Midtown traffic (Harry and Meghan)
- Actually, small correction regarding the above: Being part of a “near-catastrophic car chase” that “last[ed] over two hours” and “could have been fatal” because of photographers’ “relentless pursuit” (Harry and Meghan)
- Being coronated in front of 20 million people (Charles)
- Googling the current value of bars of gold bullion, on the off chance someone decides to give you some (Bob Menendez)
- Texting things like “I’m so excited to get a car next week” to—and then accepting $15,000 cash in a paper bag from—someone who was allegedly the grateful beneficiary of a favor bestowed by your bullion-curious senator husband (Nadine Menendez)
- Biting lots of Secret Service agents, and then biting more of them (Commodore)
Prince Harry and his Duchess initially dominated the A.W.I. in 2023—a Netflix series and a memoir will do that—after which George Santos imposed himself, only to be swept aside (until his recent grand exit) by many others, most of them Donald Trump. Top winners have also included Tucker Carlson, Kendall Jenner, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Matt Gaetz, and Jada Pinkett Smith.
Looking ahead to 2024: The Sussexes are showing signs that they’re back in harness and likely to be competitive. Ditto any number of presidential candidates and, come Paris, undoubtedly some Olympic athletes. Eric Adams, simply by being New York City’s mayor and an enthusiastic man-about-town, could well be in the mix even if he remains untouched by federal investigations. Marjorie Taylor Greene because she can’t help herself. Kim Jong Un is never quiet for long. Bob and Nadine Menendez’s bribery trial begins May 6—mark your calendars. And, even putting aside the eventual HBO film, do you really think we’ve heard the last of George Santos?
Enjoy the show. As for anyone who might harbor their own ambitions along these lines, all we can advise is: don’t be shy.
George Kalogerakis, one of the original editor-writers at Spy, later worked for Vanity Fair, New York, and The New York Times, where he was deputy op-ed editor. A co-author of Spy: The Funny Years and co-editor of Disunion: A History of the Civil War, he is a Writer at Large at AIR MAIL
