Beware the cool mom. She says she’d prefer you and your friends not drink, but, if you must, she’d rather you do it in the house, where you’ll at least be safe, which, I promise, you won’t be. She’s against drugs, but will not come down hard on you for it, as long as you keep it at home and let her have a toke, just to make sure it’s on the up-and-up. She’s against pre-marital sex, but says, if you must, because of urges, please not in the car, nor in some dirty motel, but here, in the guest room at the big house by the shore—no, not that room, nor that one, nor that one, nor that one (her house is huge) but in the one at the end of the hall by the maid’s quarters and laundry.
Please hear me now!
