Valentine’s Day is coming, the time of year when Sweethearts® begin showing up in supermarkets and candy shops. Also known as “Conversation Hearts,” they are small, pastel-colored heart-shaped sugar candies, each imprinted with a message such as “Be Mine,” “Call Me,” “Crazy 4 U,” and “One & Only.” They’ve been around since 1901 and haven’t really changed much since. Therein lies the problem. The relationship between men and women is constantly changing. Isn’t it about time the makers of Sweethearts realized this and updated the tired, outdated messages on their product to better reflect the times? Stale candy is bad enough, but stale messages too?

· Be My Pete Davidson

· I’d Drop My Mask 4 You

· Let’s Get Tested Together

· My Shelves Are Empty 4 U

· My Safe Word is “Cuomo”

· Shelter in Place with Me

· Let’s Share our Antibodies

· And Just Like That, I’m Preggers

· Be My Long-Hauler

· They & Me 4 Ever

· R U Vaxxed?

· I’m N.S.F.W.F.H.

· My Pig Heart Belongs to U

· Jab Me

· Be Mine (& My Husband’s)

· Only You … on OnlyFans

· Active-Shooter Situation—in My Pants!

John Ficarra, former editor of Mad magazine, recently tested positive for immaturity