When you’re a teenager, having a mom can really suck. They’re always worried about you, which tends to manifest itself into embarrassing you. They’ll call your friends’ parents to make sure you weren’t lying and are where you said you’d be, and now you and all your friends are in trouble because of your embarrassing mom. When you’re a teenager and your mom is an environmentalist, it sucks even more. Her fear about the planet far outweighs the humiliating moments caused from her fear about you.

My mother isn’t like most environmentalists. I’m sure when Greta Thunberg goes over to a friend’s house, she doesn’t inquire about what cleaning products they use or how they make their coffee in the morning, or make them promise her they’ll start composting, and then follow up for proof that they’ve made changes to all of the above. Instead, Greta inspires people to reduce their carbon footprint by quietly sailing to America. My mother cannot sail because she’s Jewish, so I guess she must find other ways to spread awareness, such as yelling at any friend of mine who comes over holding a plastic water bottle my entire childhood.