5:00 SUNRISE SERMONETTE—Life lessons from the Reverend Franklin Graham.
6:00 THE KUDLOW REPORT—Eco-wiz Larry Kudlow takes a sober look at today’s markets.
7:00 KIMBERLY AND CREW—Kimberly Guilfoyle and guests yell about the issues of the day.
8:00 THAT’S LIFE WITH JARED & IVANKA—Marriage, fashion, lifestyle.
9:00 COOKIN’ WITH TIFF—Steak-umms with Velveeta. Tiffany Trump hosts.
10:00 TIME FOR SOME PROBLEMS—The upcoming day in traffic. Chris Christie hosts.
11:00 OFF TO THE JIM!—Fitness. “10 Sneaky Wrestling Moves.” Jim Jordan instructs.
12:00 MIDDAY NEWS WITH HEMMER & Baier—News of the day.
1:30 KISS MY GODDAMN ASS!—Game show. Donald Trump Jr. hosts.
3:00 THE SECRET STORM—Kayleigh tells Sean a secret, but will Sean tell Sarah? Serial.
4:00 THE BREW CREW—Sports call-in show. Brett Kavanaugh, Squi co-host.
6:00 EVENING NEWS WITH HEMMER & BAIER—News of the day.
7:00 GAETZ OF HEAVEN—Matt’s nosy neighbors suspect that Nestor might be something more than just Matt’s adopted son. Drama.
8:00 HEEEEEEERE’S DONNIE!—Joey Heatherton, Jon Voight, Kid Rock guests. Lindsey Graham fills in for host Donald Trump. G. E. Smith & the Trump TV Orchestra. Variety.
9:00 HEY, PREZ!—Hilarity ensues as President Ronald Trimble (Scott Baio) faces a crisis at home and abroad when a Russian oligarch falls in love with Trimble’s comely daughter, Radinka (Tara Reid). Yakov Smirnoff guest stars. Comedy.
9:30 IT’S BARRON!—Barron’s zany online antics land him in hot water with the stern headmaster at his strict military school. Can his funky homies help him out? Mike Flynn, Diamond, and Silk guest star. Comedy.
10:00 CITIZEN CAIN: THE LIFE & TIMES OF HERMAN CAIN, Part V—Dr. Ben Carson (Herschel Walker) tells Herman (Kanye West) it’s O.K. for him to attend a political rally in Tulsa. But is it? (Part five of six.) Mini-series.
1:00 BETTER LIVING WITH HYDROXYCHLORoQUINE—Doctors Scott Atlas and Marc Siegel host. Infomercial.
1:30 LOSE WEIGHT AND HEIGHT THE DR. JACKSON WAY—Dr. Ronny Jackson. Infomercial.
2:00 THE PILLOW THAT REVOLUTIONIZED SLEEP (THEN HOW COME YOU’RE STILL AWAKE?)—Mike Lindell hosts. Infomercial.
2:30 VIXEN VINYL—Brit Hume hosts. Shopping.
3:00 BOWHUNTING WITH TED—Infomercial.
3:30 BARR FOR THE DEFENSE!—Will Bill (Kelsey Grammer) defend a young patriotic teen (Stephen Baldwin) accused of shooting two people during a riot? Drama (repeat).
4:00 THE ERIC TRUMP SHOW—Variety (repeat).
Ted Heller is a New York–based writer