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August 10 2019
This is not the invitation. But it was inspired by an actual gun-decorated poster at the event.

For years it has been one of history’s greatest injustices: there are hundreds of famous people in the world, but the truly evil people only really wanted to hang out with singers. Beyoncé reportedly earned $2 million performing at a party hosted by the children of Colonel Qaddafi. Mariah Carey had the honor of performing for an Angolan president fond of throwing dissenters into crocodile-infested rivers. Jennifer Lopez got to sing “Happy Birthday” to authoritarian Turkmenistan dictator Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov at a concert sponsored by the China National Petroleum Corporation. Talk about living the dream.

But spare a thought for the other celebrities. The actors, the models, the talent-show contestants. They’d love to spend their days fawning at the feet of powerful and legitimately dreadful people, too, but they never really stood a chance against such august competition. That is, until now. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s raise a glass to Gaston Glock.

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