I may not be the sharpest tool in the box, but I used to be able to introduce myself at business meetings without forgetting my own name, I didn’t always arrive home from a shopping trip to realize that I’d left my purchases at the till, and I definitely knew the first names of my children rather than calling them after the dog, then the cat, then the tortoise. “Really?” said Charlie (I’ve remembered it now), “Donatello is easier to remember than me?” Apparently, yes. With the release of Halo, a gadget designed to electrify brains into performing better, it felt like the time had arrived for me to address this.

Halo headphones are mostly used to hone muscle memory for sportspeople. Let me be very clear about this—I am not a sportspeople, and my problem isn’t dementia, Alzheimer’s, or stupidity—mine are the symptoms of modern Brain Fog. I’m tempted to blame menopausal hormones destroyed by the wee in our tap water, the chemicals in our Pringles, and Donald Trump (always)—but on deeper analysis, I’m convinced it’s largely caused by information overload, the Catch-22 of the technology era. We just weren’t meant to retain this much shizzle.