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“Wow—he can walk on hot coals without even posting that he’s walking on hot coals.”
“I’m sorry, but the correct answer is not ‘I’m sorry if you feel offended.’”
“Yup, looks like your bookcase is full. You might want to start thinking about getting a new one.”
“This primitive communication device is all that’s left of what was once a thriving civilization.”
“Bow before Oldroot: lord of the wood, wisest of trees, global lifestyle brand … ”
“If we just hold our nerve, poorly lit homes filled with clutter will become ‘a thing.’”
“I forget who, but he’s somebody’s kid.”
“It’s like I’ve been cyberbullying for so long that I forget how to do it in person.”
“Just a heads-up, if we ever become super-wealthy and you want to use the money to take a rocket into outer space instead of, like, feeding poor people, I’m going to be really mad.”
“He’s an American shepherd.”
“This book says I should eat your arm first.”
“Well, it was a tough decision, Doug, but we’ve decided to go with Doug.”
“It’s a great manuscript, but our mandate has shifted from championing new writers to enslaving planet Earth.”
Civil-discourse re-enactors.
“Well, no, I wouldn’t expect you to get it.”
“There’s wicked, and then there’s just plain mean.”
“I’ve got a thousand C.E.O.’s telling me I’m crazy not to check out the competition.”